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Band 4.5

In some countries, younger people are neglecting their right to vote. What problems does this cause and what are some of the possible solutions?

#countries #people #right #vote
Denoted as a democracy assurance in a national regime, elections held by several nations
has
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have
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 unsolved
problems
, at least until nowadays, juveniles have less to
nothing
Rephrase
no
show examples
 willingness to choose their representative, so public interest cannot be accommodated well.
This
 phenomenon likely occurs because
of
Change preposition
apply
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the representative
unable
Add a missing verb
is unable
show examples
 to show their vision and has skills beneath the expectation.
Moreover
, it is possible to solve
this
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this problem
these problems
show examples
problems
 by providing better campaign materials and extension methods.
First,
it is clear for the legislators before entering the parliament to provide a lucid proposed development plan in the next few years. Thereby, voters might have a better understanding of their expected life.
This
 matters
includes
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include
show examples
 poverty issues, health insurance
problems
,
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
problems
, and education The younger generation will pay more attention to these topics, maybe because of their better education than the older one. So, it is important for the campaigners to provide clear substance in their tools.
Second,
education levels likely become imperative
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 young
people
's assessment of their representative.
Thus
, the
people
 who did the campaign will only
has
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have
show examples
 two options, become more educated with several titles, or make an accusation by embellishing a clear illustration
on
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of
show examples
 their social responsibility projects or clever way to solve environmental issues in their agenda.
Furthermore
, entitling
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
by
Change preposition
to
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 several “smart” labels may not really be important, but the youth may have a slight interest in them that influences their willingness to choose. If
this
 can be accommodated, it may reduce the high possibility
to ignore
Change preposition
of ignoring
show examples
 their right to vote.
To conclude
, young generations have a great role in an election. Yet, their ability to criticize more creates imminent unsolved
problems
. The least way to avert
this
 is by providing a better campaign.
Hence
, it can minimize the young
people
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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neglect their vote, and the public
importances
Fix the agreement mistake
importance
show examples
 can be
accomodated
Correct your spelling
accommodated
 well.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and subsequent sentences should provide support for this idea.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further with relevant, specific examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments. General statements should be minimized and practical, clear examples should be used to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Aim for a more structured approach by using clear topic sentences to start your paragraphs and by including transition words to show the relationship between ideas.
task achievement
Work on presenting a balanced view by discussing both problems and solutions equally, as the task requires you to explore both aspects.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and range. There are several errors present which disturb the clarity of your message. Accurate and varied sentence structures can result in a higher score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • democratic process
  • political instability
  • skewed representation
  • governance
  • erosion
  • civic education
  • alienation
  • policy-making
  • accessible
  • incentives
What to do next:
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