Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some may argue that males are more competitive in nature than females.
This
essay completely agrees with this
statement because many women are soft-hearted, while
men
have higher egos.
On the one hand, most women are less competitive than men
because they have a soft heart. Most of them cry easily , especially when they see that their family and friends are crying. They always care about the feelings of others. Their instinct is to help people rather than to compete with them. For instance
, in one of the marathons in the US, one competitor was leading the race since the beginning, however
, when she was near the finish line she experienced muscle cramps but the runner who came after her helped her cross the finish line. As a result
, she won first place in the race. Thus
, the soft-heartedness of a woman makes them less competitive.
On the other hand
, men
are significantly competitive because they have a high ego. They always want to win because they think that failing will lose their masculinity. Instead
of using their heart, they always use their mind,
and are always focused on their goals. Remove the comma
apply
That is
why a huge number of sports competitions are dominated by men
because they are determined to win. For example
, Lebron James transferred to different teams because he wanted to prove that he could win them a championship ring. Their egocentric trait is what makes them more competitive than their counterpart.
In conclusion, males are significantly more competitive than most females and I completely agree with this
statement. Their competitiveness is because of their ego, while
most women are less competitive because they often use their hearts in everything they do.Submitted by yoko.onerom on
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task achievement
Strengthen the structure of your argument by delving deeper into the reasons behind the natural competitiveness of men and women. Consider including more nuanced viewpoints to showcase a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Aim for a more balanced argument by acknowledging counterarguments or variations within gender groups. This can reveal a deeper insight into the complexities of human behavior and competitiveness.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance your logical structure by ensuring a smooth transition between paragraphs and points. Explicitly signpost your argument's progression to guide the reader through your essay without confusion.
coherence and cohesion
Revisit the introduction and conclusion to ensure they specifically address the essay topic and provide a summarised view of your argument. This strengthens the essay's focus and overall cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Employ a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively. This can improve the essay's flow and make your arguments more coherent.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?