IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Children find it difficult to concentrate on or pay attention to their studies in school. What are the reasons? How can we solve this problem?

#children #attention #studies #school
Nowadays, kids have difficulty staying focused on their lessons in school. There are some reasons why
this
 issue happening and there are some ways to solve which I will elaborate on to a conclusion in the following paragraph. Usually, the lessons are messed up with their focus because of the amount of material they receive. The more they get the subjects, the easier their attention gets lost.
Hence
, they end up with distrub the whole study.
In addition
, the method of the tutor giving the materials could offend the atmosphere whilst students try to build their core.
For instance
, a teacher who taught without having a break for some minutes could make the pupil feel sleepy in whole time. To solve
this
 issue, the educational program should be revised by a group of the workforce. They have to evaluate and break down the syllabus which can be absorbed by their pupils.
Hence
, student attention can be built in the teaching section.
Furthermore
, lecturers should ensure their classes are enjoyable. By giving a break in the middle of the course, the pupil's mind can be refreshed immediately.
Consequently
, they can build their centre point until the
last
 period of lessons. In conclusion, the difficulty of staying focused in class is caused by the amount of materials in a day and the style of teaching by the personnel.
This
 issue can be solved by syllabus revision and changing the method of faculty training their students which could build their concentration with fresh minds.
Submitted by Nabillaa808 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and the essay progresses logically from the introduction through to the conclusion. Your paragraphs should be organized in a way that each subsequent paragraph builds on the point made in the previous one.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. The conclusion should effectively summarize your main points and restate your overall opinion without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points by expanding on your ideas with further explanation, evidence, or examples. Include specific examples to support your points and make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Respond to all parts of the task, ensuring that your response is complete. Be sure to directly address both questions asked - the reasons for the lack of concentration and the solutions.
task achievement
Strive for clarity in your ideas. Make sure that your essay has a clear and direct response to the question, and that your ideas are fully developed. Avoid overly general statements.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. This adds weight to your explanations and better illustrates your points to the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Concentration
  • Engagement
  • Curriculum
  • Attention span
  • Learning disorders
  • Interactive learning
  • Personalized learning
  • Supportive learning environment
  • Mental health
  • Organizational skills
  • Educational policy
  • Mindfulness
  • Screen time
What to do next:
Look at other essays: