IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that watching TV programs and movies related to crime are popular. Why do you think it's popular and how does it affect society ?

#people #tv #programs #movies #crime #society
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Some
people
 argue that watching TV programs and
movies
 about
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crime
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 famous.
This
 means many
people
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 more
crime
 films
such
 as
crime
movies
Change the noun form
movie
show examples
 fans. In my view, the most popular
crime
movies
 have
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best idea.
For instance
, the
movie
 of "The Covenant".
This
 film's main opinion is about two
friends
Change noun form
friends'
show examples
 relationship.
This
movies
Change the determiner
movie
show examples
 shows
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 how to be strong friends.
This
 is a message for
to
Correct pronoun usage
me to
show examples
 be
kind
Add an article
a kind
show examples
, smart, honest friend. Another example is
actor's
Correct article usage
the actor's
show examples
 awesome
acts
Replace the word
acting
show examples
 skills. They
are have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a great acting talent. If the film actors
don't
Verb problem
aren't
show examples
 good, of
course
Add the comma(s)
course,
show examples
 the
movie
doesn't
Verb problem
isn't
show examples
 perfect. Actors' roles in the
movie
 are very important because they help others understand the
movie
 more clearly and understand its true meaning. Nowadays, it is becoming difficult for
movies
 to reach high levels as actors do not work on themselves. In my opinion,
this
 kind of
crime
movies
 or TV programs causes
change
Add the particle
to change
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
taughts
Correct your spelling
thoughts
taught
.
For example
, all of the
movies
 have a message like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
friendship, human characters and so on. Another
think
Correct your spelling
thing
show examples
,
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
's knowledge. If somebody
don't
Change the verb form
doesn't
show examples
 know about
law
Add an article
the law
show examples
, they will learn.
People
 who do not know and understand their rights can learn any legal knowledge that they do not know by watching
movies
. The release of many
such
 films can teach everyone something. I think, If the looks like "The Covenant" or "The Equalizer"
movies
 need more because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
I like
this
 kind of
films
Fix the agreement mistake
film
show examples
.
This
Change the determiner
These
show examples
movies
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exactly something for
people
.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear introduction with a thesis statement, which is essential for stating the position and outlining the main points to be discussed. Including a conclusion to summarise the essay would strengthen its structure.
supported main points
Main points require further development and support with detailed explanations, rather than merely stating opinions. Providing more concrete, relevant examples and expanding on how crime shows impact society would help achieve a higher score.
logical structure
The essay should be developed with a more logical structure. Paragraphs need to have clear topic sentences, and ideas should flow logically from one to the next. Use cohesive devices to help the reader understand the connection between points.
complete response
It's important to fully address all parts of the task. Your response should cover both why crime programs are popular and how they affect society. Be sure to provide a balanced discussion of both aspects to achieve a higher score.
clear comprehensive ideas
Improve clarity by organizing ideas into well-structured paragraphs and using a variety of sentence structures. Avoid repetition and make sure to explain and expand on points to make them comprehensive.
relevant specific examples
Relevant specific examples are well used in parts of the essay, but consider using more precise and varied examples to fully support the points being made. The examples should directly relate to the impact of crime programs on society.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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