In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population create problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extant do the advantage of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?.

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Due to
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the development of healthcare and medical technology,
average
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the average
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life span of human
being
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beings
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is increasing year by year.
Therefore
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,
fraction
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a fraction
the fraction
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of
Correct article usage
the aging
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aging
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ageing
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population
Use synonyms
is increasing exponentially.
This
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phenomenon is
the
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an
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issue that many
governments
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in the world
is
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are
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currently facing. I insist that
advantages
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the advantages
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inclining
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the aging
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aging
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ageing
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population
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brings
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bring
show examples
to
governments
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is over
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
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.
This
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essay will focus on
effects
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the effects
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of elderly
people
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on the economic and social aspects of
governments
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.
First,
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it can be said that
growing
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the growing
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population
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of elderly
people
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brings
Verb problem
has
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positive
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a positive
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effect on the
economy
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. Even though elderly
people
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cannot create economic value
same
Correct article usage
the same
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as younger
people
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, the impact of
large
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a large
the large
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population
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of elderly
people
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on the market is impossible to ignore.
Thus
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, if
governments
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allocate
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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working resources
on
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to
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appropriate
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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,
aging
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an aging
the aging
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population
Use synonyms
will create economic growth.
Moreover
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, their spending in the market will circulate
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economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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, which would result in
stable
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a stable
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economy
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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believe that
potential
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the potential
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costs
for
Change preposition
of for
show examples
caring
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the aging
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aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
larger than
profits
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the profits
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they make. Since older
people
Use synonyms
require more medical and health care, national healthcare insurance spending would increase with
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
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aging
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ageing
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population
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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, it can be argued that
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
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in
Correct article usage
the aging
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aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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population
Use synonyms
has
downside
Correct article usage
a downside
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on
Change preposition
for
show examples
governments
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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, elderly
people
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has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
significance
on
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in
show examples
social aspects. The memory
itself
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
aging
people
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possesses are
Correct subject-verb agreement
possess is
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important in social
aspect
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aspects
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. Their memory includes social norms and traditional cultural
values
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. These
values
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cannot be found
instead
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of elderly
people
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. If
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the aging
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aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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population
Use synonyms
continuously grow, their memory will have
stronger
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a stronger
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influence on contemporary society,
therefore
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governments
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can preserve traditional social
values
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.
However
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, some
refutes
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refute
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
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this
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by saying that
aging
Correct article usage
the aging
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population
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creates conflict between
younger
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the younger
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generation,
hence
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call
Wrong verb form
calling
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on
Change preposition
for
show examples
chaos
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
society. Since
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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and young
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
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have
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has
show examples
different social backgrounds during growing
and
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up and
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experiences they had, their ideology conflicts often and
its
Correct your spelling
it's
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hard for them to understand each other.
Hence
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, elderly
people
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has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
disadvantage
Correct article usage
a disadvantage
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on
governments
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
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, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
always positive and negative aspects
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
the event. In the case of the increasing elderly
population
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, positive
aspecst
Correct your spelling
aspects
aspect
are that their contribution
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
economy
Use synonyms
will create economic growth and their memories about the past will be
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
for
governments
Use synonyms
to protect traditional cultures and
values
Use synonyms
.
However
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, it can be
also
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said that
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
governments
Use synonyms
should spend
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
caring
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
is drastic and
Correct article usage
the aging
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aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
's misunderstanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
generation will create continuous conflicts and cause chaos
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
society.
Submitted by yelim050319 on

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Task Achievement
You need to provide a clear introduction that succinctly presents the topic and outlines your position regarding the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population. The conclusion should draw together your arguments and restate your position clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the overall cohesion and coherence by organizing the essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences. Each paragraph should develop a single main idea related to the question. Avoid including multiple ideas in a single paragraph.
Task Achievement
Provide specific examples or data to support your points. General statements are less convincing without concrete evidence or examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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