The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006 and 2007
The table gives information about the percentage of seven manufacturers’
market
share
from the notebook computer market
in 2006 and 2007. Overall
, HP’s company led the largest share
in both years, while
Fujitsu-Siemens did the reverse. Interestingly, HP, Dell, and Toshiba companies saw an upward trend, whilst others experienced a decrease.
To commence with, HP saw a significant increase in market
share
at 31.4% in 2006 and 34% in 2007, making it the highest among other companies. Having the same trend, Dell and Toshiba
Change noun form
Toshiba's
market
share
witnessed a considerable rise from 16.6% to 20.2% and from 6.2% to 7.3% in turn.
In contrast
, Acer
Change noun form
Acer's
market
share
in 2006 was 11.6%, but it declined to 10.7% in the following year. In terms of Lenovo and Fujitsu-Siemens, they also
experienced a decrease. The former decreased by 0.4%, while
the latter fell by 2.5%. Lastly
, others
companies had the second highest Correct quantifier usage
other
market
share
in 2006 at 22.8%, but it turned out to the
third row in 2007 at 19.3%.Add a missing verb
be the
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words market, share with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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