The rise of social media has effected personal relationships and society as a whole. do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages.
One particularly pernicious concern is whether
time
spent on social media
sites is eating away at face-to-face time
, a phenomenon known as social displacement .
Fears about social displacement are longstanding, as old as the telephone and probably older. “This
issue of displacement has gone on for more than 100 years,” says Jeffrey Hall
, PhD, director of the Relationships and Technology Lab at the University of Kansas. “No matter what the technology is,” says Hall
, there is always a “cultural belief that it's replacing face-to-face time
with our close friends and family.”
Hall
's research interrogates that cultural belief. In one study, participants kept a daily log of time
spent doing 19 different activities during weeks when they were and were not asked to abstain from using social media
. In the weeks when people abstained from social media
, they spent more time
browsing the internet, working, cleaning, and doing household chores. However
, during these same abstention periods, there was no difference in people's time
spent socializing with their strongest social ties.
The upshot? “I tend to believe, given my own work and then
reading the work of others, that there's very little evidence that social media
directly displaces meaningful interaction with close relational partners,” says Hall
. One possible reason for this
is because
we tend to interact with our close loved ones through several different modalities—Correct word choice
that
such
as texts, emails, phone calls, and in-person time
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are crucial for structuring the argument effectively. It jumps directly into discussing social displacement without setting the context or question being addressed.
coherence cohesion
There appears to be an attempt at presenting a logical structure; however, the essay needs clear linking words and topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to guide the reader through the points being made.
coherence cohesion
The main points need to be supported by more varied examples and explanations to underline the connection between social media use and personal relationships. Consider using comparative arguments to contrast advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
The response does not directly address the prompt about whether the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages. Ensure to answer all parts of the question directly and provide a balanced discussion before reaching a conclusion.
task achievement
The ideas presented must be clarified and expanded upon to make the argument more comprehensive. For instance, it should explain more clearly how social media relates to the quality of real-life interactions, and whether it enhances or hinders them.
task achievement
While the essay includes a specific study as an example, it could be further enriched with additional specific examples that illustrate the broader impact of social media on society and personal relationships, both positive and negative.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.