IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the rise of the social media has a affected personal relationships and society as a whole. do the advantages of using social media for communicatton outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
in the era has mobile. a number of adolescents have their own personal phones. it provides immense knowledge to the young generation.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 some exceptions are spending a large amount of time using social networking sites can lead to health problems.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees that social
media
Use synonyms
 has affected
relationships
Use synonyms
 and real society.
beginning with
Verb problem
Nowadays
show examples
, nowadays everyone has mobile phones. It has many advantages for personal
relationships
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as teenagers can use social
media
Use synonyms
 to improve their communication with other friends in different countries. Take example, they can play online games in which kids communicate with other players, which helps them improve their social skills.
moreover
Linking Words
,family members and friends do not always live in the same city, or even the same state or country. Social
media
Use synonyms
 platforms
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram and Facebook are quick and convenient ways for long-distance loved ones to stay in touch. People can post updates about themselves and others in their lives,
such
Linking Words
 as spouses and children,
as well as
Linking Words
 share photos of vacations and other important family events.
Additionally
Linking Words
, people can tweak their privacy levels and share more personal information or pictures Amid growing debates about the impact of smartphones and social
media
Use synonyms
 on
relationships
Use synonyms
, a survey conducted in October 2019 finds that many Americans encounter some tech-related struggles with their significant others.
For instance
Linking Words
, among partnered adults in the U.S. –
that is
Linking Words
, those who are married, cohabiting or in a committed relationship, roughly half (51%) say their partner is often or sometimes distracted by their cellphone
while
Linking Words
 they are trying to have a conversation with them, and four-in-ten say they are at least sometimes bothered by the amount of time their partner spends on their mobile device. in conclusion, social
media
Use synonyms
 has affected both personal
relationships
Use synonyms
 and society. it has many advantages but
also
Linking Words
 has drawbacks
such
Linking Words
 as being addicted to social
media
Use synonyms
 or spending too much time on online
relationships
Use synonyms
. One should use it to limit

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure logical sequencing of ideas for clarity and coherence. Your essay demonstrates some structure, but the development of ideas is not entirely logical, causing difficulty for the reader to follow your argument. Consider using clear topic sentences and sequenced paragraphs to better convey your points.
coherence cohesion
Include both introduction and conclusion. Your essay has an introduction and conclusion, but they need clearer purpose statements and summaries of key points. Your introduction should clearly state your position relative to the prompt, and your conclusion should effectively summarize the arguments presented without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Expand and support your main ideas. While some points are addressed in the essay, they require further development and support. Use specific examples, data, or citations to support each main point comprehensively and enhance your argument. Avoid generalizations and ensure that each paragraph contains a single, clear idea.
task achievement
Provide a complete response to the task prompt. Address all parts of the question thoroughly. Both the potential advantages and disadvantages of social media's influence on personal relationships and society should be discussed. Ensure that the conclusion aligns with the arguments made and reflects a balanced view, where needed according to the prompt.
task achievement
Convey ideas clearly and comprehensively. Your essay partially addresses the prompt, but some ideas are not fully developed, and clarity is occasionally lacking due to grammatical errors and imprecise language. Practice writing clear, focused paragraphs that embody a single, fully developed idea per paragraph. Enhancing sentence structure and vocabulary can also improve clarity.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples. You mention scenarios such as playing online games and using social media for long-distance communication, but these examples need to be more detailed and directly tied to your argument. Demonstrating how these examples substantiate your points about the effects of social media on personal relationships and society will improve this aspect of your essay.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: