the rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantage?

#rise #media #relationships #society #communication

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

in today digital's age, the increase of social

media

Use synonyms

has had an effect on both private relationships and society as a whole.

This

Linking Words

author argues that the benefits of using social

media

Use synonyms

to entertain and make new

friends

Use synonyms

outweigh the

drawback

Fix the agreement mistake

drawbacks

show examples

of insignificant

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

. the most advantageous factor of using social

media

Use synonyms

is that it is a convenient

way

Use synonyms

helping

Change the verb form

to help

show examples

people

Use synonyms

relax.

In other words

Linking Words

, humans can stay at home and use social networking sites to watch

film

Fix the agreement mistake

films

show examples

movies

Correct word choice

and movies

show examples

, play games and so on

instead

Linking Words

of going out. From prior knowledge, in the busy life

nowaday

Correct your spelling

nowadays

show examples

, citizens

chosse

Correct your spelling

choose

chose

Change preposition

apply

show examples

some apps like

Youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

to watch movies,

Correct word choice

and listen

show examples

listen

Add the preposition

listen to

show examples

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

for relaxing.

Thus

Linking Words

, social

media

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

a simple method to relax after a

hard-working

Correct your spelling

hard working

show examples

day. Making new

friends

Use synonyms

must

also

Linking Words

be considered. It must be recognised that individuals can keep in touch with everyone all over the world and get more new relationships easily.

As a result

Linking Words

install

Wrong verb form

installing

show examples

some apps like

Facebooks

Fix the agreement mistake

Facebook

show examples

Correct word choice

and Instagrams

show examples

Instagrams

Fix the agreement mistake

Instagram

show examples

,.... will help

people

Use synonyms

can have

Verb problem

make

show examples

some

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

new

friends

Use synonyms

in the world

as well as

Linking Words

study more about their culture, customs and

tradition

Fix the agreement mistake

traditions

show examples

too.

Thereby

Rephrase

Therefore

show examples

, using social

media

Use synonyms

is one of the best

Use synonyms

way

Change to a plural noun

ways

show examples

get

Verb problem

make

show examples

new

friends

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

online social

also

Linking Words

has its dark side. Since the convenience of chatting online, humans now find it unnecessary to have

face to face

Add a hyphen

face-to-face

show examples

conversation

Fix the agreement mistake

conversations

show examples

. In some cases,

people

Use synonyms

who have idealized themselves with an untrue personality or outlook,

inn

Correct your spelling

show examples

that

way

Use synonyms

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

try to avoid meetings in reality and continue to immerse in the virtual world. In conclusion.

although

Linking Words

it is true that using social

media

Use synonyms

to communicate in the long run makes a few

people

Use synonyms

miss the value of real chats, it is a minor problem compared to the

way

Use synonyms

assist

Change the verb form

assists

show examples

inhabitants in contacting

friends

Use synonyms

and making new relationships.

Submitted by [email protected] on Wed Jan 17 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement

The essay partially addresses the prompt but doesn't fully develop all parts of the task, particularly the analysis of how the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. A more balanced discussion with specific examples to support points is needed for higher band scores. Ensure that both sides are given equal consideration, with a clearer position maintained throughout the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

The logical structure of your essay needs improvement. Some ideas seem disconnected and transitions between them are abrupt or missing. To score higher, use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to logically order and interlink your points. Furthermore, checking for typographical and grammatical errors can enhance the clarity of your message.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

302 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

global connectivity
networking opportunities
real-time information
community building
marketing opportunities
self-expression
educational content
privacy concerns
data security
misinformation
fake news
cyberbullying
interpersonal skills
distraction
productivity

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good member of society. Others however believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some argue that it's the parent's responsibility to teach children how to be good members of society, while others think school is the best place where they should learn to become valuable members.
7
band
Nowadays, news companies spend a lot of money covering international news. However, local news is more relevant to people's lives and should receive more funding.' To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
Currently, the print media invest more money in publishing global news. However, it is argued that domestic news deserves more coverage and funding than the foreign updates . This essay agrees with this statement as it is the only source of local updates for people and it improves the relationship between the government and its citizens.
5
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?
Nowadays, people are curious to find out the story behind the place which they are living in. They might have bought it recently or the place maybe their paternal house which has been built by their ancestors. In this essay I will discuss the ways which can guide the owners to find their answers and also the reason why they are doing this and in the end I try to draw some conclusions.
<4
band
How do you use technology in your daily life? How has the way you use technology changed over time? Include specific examples in your answer.
Im a student of computer science, therefore I encounter the use of technology most often.
7
band
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
The phenomenon of people living longer than ever before has become a prominent demographic trend in numerous countries. While some argue that an ageing population poses challenges for governments, others assert that there are substantial benefits to having more elderly individuals in society. In my perspective, the advantages of having an ageing population clearly outweigh the disadvantages, as it brings about opportunities for intergenerational knowledge transfer, fosters a wiser society, and enhances cultural richness.

the rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantage?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good member of society. Others however believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

How do you use technology in your daily life? How has the way you use technology changed over time? Include specific examples in your answer.