the rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantage?

#rise #media #relationships #society #communication

in today digital's age, the increase of social

media

has had an effect on both private relationships and society as a whole.

This

author argues that the benefits of using social

media

to entertain and make new

friends

outweigh the

drawback

Fix the agreement mistake

drawbacks

show examples

of insignificant

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

. the most advantageous factor of using social

media

is that it is a convenient

way

helping

Change the verb form

to help

show examples

people

relax.

In other words

, humans can stay at home and use social networking sites to watch

film

Fix the agreement mistake

films

show examples

movies

Correct word choice

and movies

show examples

, play games and so on

instead

of going out. From prior knowledge, in the busy life

nowaday

Correct your spelling

nowadays

show examples

, citizens

chosse

Correct your spelling

choose

chose

Change preposition

apply

show examples

some apps like

Youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

to watch movies,

Correct word choice

and listen

show examples

listen

Add the preposition

listen to

show examples

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

for relaxing.

Thus

, social

media

also

a simple method to relax after a

hard-working

Correct your spelling

hard working

show examples

day. Making new

friends

must

also

be considered. It must be recognised that individuals can keep in touch with everyone all over the world and get more new relationships easily.

As a result

install

Wrong verb form

installing

show examples

some apps like

Facebooks

Fix the agreement mistake

Facebook

show examples

Correct word choice

and Instagrams

show examples

Instagrams

Fix the agreement mistake

Instagram

show examples

,.... will help

people

can have

Verb problem

make

show examples

some

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

new

friends

in the world

as well as

study more about their culture, customs and

tradition

Fix the agreement mistake

traditions

show examples

too.

Thereby

Rephrase

Therefore

show examples

, using social

media

is one of the best

way

Change to a plural noun

ways

show examples

get

Verb problem

make

show examples

new

friends

However

this

online social

also

has its dark side. Since the convenience of chatting online, humans now find it unnecessary to have

face to face

Add a hyphen

face-to-face

show examples

conversation

Fix the agreement mistake

conversations

show examples

. In some cases,

people

who have idealized themselves with an untrue personality or outlook,

inn

Correct your spelling

show examples

that

way

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

try to avoid meetings in reality and continue to immerse in the virtual world. In conclusion.

although

it is true that using social

media

to communicate in the long run makes a few

people

miss the value of real chats, it is a minor problem compared to the

way

assist

Change the verb form

assists

show examples

inhabitants in contacting

friends

and making new relationships.

Wed Jan 17 2024

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Task Achievement

The essay partially addresses the prompt but doesn't fully develop all parts of the task, particularly the analysis of how the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. A more balanced discussion with specific examples to support points is needed for higher band scores. Ensure that both sides are given equal consideration, with a clearer position maintained throughout the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

The logical structure of your essay needs improvement. Some ideas seem disconnected and transitions between them are abrupt or missing. To score higher, use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to logically order and interlink your points. Furthermore, checking for typographical and grammatical errors can enhance the clarity of your message.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

302 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

global connectivity
networking opportunities
real-time information
community building
marketing opportunities
self-expression
educational content
privacy concerns
data security
misinformation
fake news
cyberbullying
interpersonal skills
distraction
productivity

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the rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantage?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people belive that advertising has a strong effect on a person's decision-making process. Other people believe that it has little or no real impact. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many criminals re-offend after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Some employers believe that job applicants' social skills are more important than their academic qualifications. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people say that living in high-rise apartments feels very lonely and makes people unhappy. Others say there are advantages to living in an independent house. Discuss both views and give your opinions.