the rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantage?
in today digital's age, the increase of social
media
has had an effect on both private relationships and society as a whole. This
author argues that the benefits of using social media
to entertain and make new friends
outweigh the drawback
of insignificant Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
issue
.
the most advantageous factor of using social Fix the agreement mistake
issues
media
is that it is a convenient way
helping
Change the verb form
to help
people
relax. In other words
, humans can stay at home and use social networking sites to watch film
Fix the agreement mistake
films
movies
, play games and so on Correct word choice
and movies
instead
of going out. From prior knowledge, in the busy life nowaday
, citizens Correct your spelling
nowadays
chosse
Correct your spelling
choose
chose
to
some apps like Change preposition
apply
Youtube
to watch movies, Correct your spelling
YouTube
Correct word choice
and listen
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
musics
for relaxing. Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
Thus
, social media
is also
a simple method to relax after a hard-working
day.
Making new Correct your spelling
hard working
friends
must also
be considered. It must be recognised that individuals can keep in touch with everyone all over the world and get more new relationships easily. As a result
, install
some apps like Wrong verb form
installing
Facebooks
, Fix the agreement mistake
Facebook
Correct word choice
and Instagrams
Instagrams
,.... will help Fix the agreement mistake
Instagram
people
can have
Verb problem
make
some
new Correct quantifier usage
apply
friends
in the world as well as
study more about their culture, customs and tradition
too. Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
Thereby
, using social Rephrase
Therefore
media
is one of the best way
to Change to a plural noun
ways
get
new Verb problem
make
friends
.
However
, this
online social also
has its dark side. Since the convenience of chatting online, humans now find it unnecessary to have face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
conversation
. In some cases, Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
people
who have idealized themselves with an untrue personality or outlook, inn
that Correct your spelling
in
way
, they
try to avoid meetings in reality and continue to immerse in the virtual world.
In conclusion. Correct pronoun usage
apply
although
it is true that using social media
to communicate in the long run makes a few people
miss the value of real chats, it is a minor problem compared to the way
it assist
inhabitants in contacting Change the verb form
assists
friends
and making new relationships.Submitted by [email protected] on
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Task Achievement
The essay partially addresses the prompt but doesn't fully develop all parts of the task, particularly the analysis of how the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. A more balanced discussion with specific examples to support points is needed for higher band scores. Ensure that both sides are given equal consideration, with a clearer position maintained throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay needs improvement. Some ideas seem disconnected and transitions between them are abrupt or missing. To score higher, use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to logically order and interlink your points. Furthermore, checking for typographical and grammatical errors can enhance the clarity of your message.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example