IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You would like a job working in the summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people. Write a letter for the organisers of the summer camp. In your letter, •explain what sort of work you would like to do •describe your personality •say what relevant experience and skills you have

#job #summer #camp #sports #activities #children #people #organisers #•explain #sort #work #•describe #personality #•say #skills
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Dear Sir or Madam, I saw your advertisement that was posted on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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.
Hance
Correct your spelling
Hence
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, I am enquiring as to whether you have any positions in the summer camp. At the moment, I am studying at
university
Correct article usage
a university
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 where located in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 of England. Now I am on holiday.
However
, I have to pay my university contract which is why I am looking for a job. I would like to do outdoor activities for children and teenagers and there is
this
 occupation in the summer camp. Actually, I am a sociable person and have a good sense of humour. That's why, I always get on well with children. And I hope all kids want to hang out with me. I exactly like to spend
a
Correct article usage
apply
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time with children. Before I used to work at the kindergarten as a tutor in my country. Currently, I cannot work there, not least because I am in
other country
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another country
other countries
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.
Hence
, I am writing to apply for your summer camp. I look forward to speaking with you about
this
 job. Yours faithfully, Lucy.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all sentences are completely clear and error-free, particularly when explaining your reasons for applying and your past experiences.
task achievement
Provide a bit more detail about how your experiences are relevant to the job you are applying for, perhaps by mentioning specific skills you have gained working with children.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious about grammatical accuracy. Using phrases like 'located in the center of England' could be more effective as simply 'in central England.'
coherence cohesion
The letter has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, making it easy to follow and understand.
task achievement
The tone of the writing is suitable for a job application—formal yet friendly.
task achievement
Expressing personal qualities such as being sociable and having a good sense of humor effectively demonstrates suitability for working with children.
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