IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that the internet is bringing people together by making the world smaller. Do you agree that the internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another?

#people #internet #world
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One of the most prevalent trends in the contemporary
world
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 is the cumulative increase in
internet
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 use, since its invention, the
internet
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 has affected the way people communicate with each other. It is completely agreed, that the
internet
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 has greatly increased the possibilities for interaction.
Firstly
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,
due to
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 the globalisation of study, scholars are doing online studies in different parts of the
world
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,
For example
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, in the year 2020, COVID-19 was spread all over the
world
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, and students were stuck in different countries, with the help of the
internet
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 they studied online and completed class exams.
Moreover
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,
due to
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 the pandemic, no one was allowed to visit any country. So, the tutees used the
internet
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 and attended online classes.
Thus
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, it is evident that it helped pupils to access important information.
Secondly
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, nowadays, employees are using the
Internet
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 for their companies to perform day to day basis activities. They can send emails, video calling and text messages which are delivered instantly to the destination.
For example
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, in Australia, companies are doing online monthly toolbox meetings. Even staff members are working in different parts of the
world
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. They can send and receive emails over the
internet
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 and get in touch without wasting their time.
As a result
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, it is evident why many people gravitate towards using the
internet
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.
Furthermore
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, families and friends can be contacted on social media immediately. They can see the live faces of their beloveds around them. These days price of the
internet
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 and digital devices are cheap, everybody can afford them.
For instance
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, in case of emergency or any health issues, individuals can see them and give them wishes. Food and other daily-use products can be ordered online.
As a consequence
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, it is apparent why many use the
internet
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. In conclusion, it can be seen that the
internet
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 has had a positive effect on communication by giving people the opportunity more easily and frequently with others.
Further
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, it is predicted that
this
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 trend will continue in future as well.
Submitted by rbtech65 on

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Task Achievement
Try to create a more engaging introduction by adding a hook or a stronger thesis statement to more clearly establish your position on the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve clarity and comprehension, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that develop that idea with examples or explanations.
Coherence & Cohesion
Vary your sentence structures to enhance readability. Use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to make your writing more engaging.
Task Achievement
Double-check your essay for minor grammatical errors and work on enhancing your vocabulary to express your ideas more vividly and accurately.
Task Achievement
Make sure to directly address the question posed by the task in both your introduction and conclusion. This clarity will demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic and improve your task achievement score.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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