Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problem are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or an negative development?

Recently, medical treatment preferences have been altered within society.
This
issue drives two deterrent effects simultaneously, which subjected to the earlier mentioned is notified to be affordable,
while
less acknowledged status is experienced as the detrimental impact. Eventually, to my knowledge,
this
concern would only pertain to inevitable trustworthy application in
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
to the reference drugs. Fundamentally,
this
major shift towards the substitute remedy treatment is affordable to all people. The fact can be taken from the surrounding vegetation availability act as herbal.
Further
,
this
can be illustrated by the existence of traditional blended ingredients
provide
Correct pronoun usage
that provide
show examples
optional curing. Since the herb is excessively supplied by nature, it is viable/reachable to be utilized. Reversely, the herb is unacknowledged by the state. Many of them have not gone through proper laboratory
legit
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
research to be on the market.
For example
, we can almost find traditional medicine as easy to purchase in the absence of medical practitioners. Through it all, despite the budget-friendly charge, still some parts of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society disbelief towards it.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak, as the argument is not well framed and the progression of ideas lacks clarity. For improvement, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, with subsequent sentences building upon it logically.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but not effectively executed. The essay should start with a clear introduction that sets the scene and presents the topic's relevance. Similarly, the conclusion should effectively summarize the arguments and state a clear position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Main points are mentioned but lack adequate support. Ensure each point is elaborated with adequate detail, explanation, and depth. This might include providing concrete examples, relevant data, or citing research to support your arguments.
task achievement
The response only partially fulfills the task requirements. A more explicit discussion on whether the development is positive or negative, directly addressing the question, would enhance task achievement.
task achievement
While the essay does convey some ideas, they could be articulated more clearly and comprehensively. Work on expressing your viewpoints with greater clarity, using well-structured sentences and paragraphs, and ensuring that each paragraph elaborates on a single clear idea.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant but lack specificity. Including specific examples and evidence that illustrate your points will strengthen the argument and make it more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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