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Band 5.5

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree ? ( In the future, it seems more difficult to live on the Earth. Some people think more money should be spent on other planets to live on, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree ? )

#millions #dollars #space #research #year #people #money #standards #earth #future #planets
Every year millions of dollars are spent on space investigation.Certain individuals say that
money
 should be invested in the betterment of living standards on
Earth
.
Hence
,In the coming years,it is going to be very tough to stay on the
Earth
.Certain Humans say most of the
money
 is spent on other planets to live on,
such
 as Mars. I completely agree with the above notation that the
government
 is spending most of the
money
 on investigation and I completely disagree with them that going forward it is going to be tough to stay on
earth
 as the
government
 is showing much interest towards the other planets . In my opinion,the
government
 should take some measures to improve how to use the
money
.The primary reason is that the
government
 has to think about to what extent they can spend
money
 on space
research
.They have to introduce some
protocal
Correct your spelling
protocol
 on the researches.
For instance
,they have to appoint a community that will be responsible for all the
research
 happening in the nation.
Furthermore
, the community should have all the authority to give the
money
 for the
research
.In
this
 way ,the
government
 will focus on the improvement of the
earth
.
Hence
, it is not very easy to stay on another planet as we do not have any knowledge of how humans will survive
additionally
 it is very important to get all the facilities for a human to stay in.
Firstly
,there should be proper oxygen and
then
 land to cultivate the crop for human survival.
For example
,if we did not find proper land for cultivation
then
 how the human will survive? In conclusion,
this
 is because the
government
 have to take measures in order to maintain a proper
protocal
Correct your spelling
protocol
 for spending
money
 on
research
on the other hand
,it is going to be tough to stay on
Earth
 as the
government
 is showing much interest towards the other planets .
Submitted by rani.reddy2003 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your introduction and conclusion were present but not clearly delineated. Improve by having a distinct opening statement and a summarizing concluding paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should flow logically from one idea to the next. Transition words help, but paragraphs should also be ordered in a way that makes sense. Consider the reader's experience as they progress through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear, relevant examples. Your essay lacked specific examples to illustrate your arguments, which would have made your points more persuasive.
task achievement
Make sure you fully address the prompt, including all parts of the task. While you have discussed the general topic, greater exploration of the reasons for and implications of both spending on space and the need for Earth improvements would enhance your work.
task achievement
Formulate clear and comprehensive ideas in your essay. Some of your points were vague and could be made more comprehensive with further explanation and detail.
task achievement
Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to clearly express precise ideas and examples. This area could be improved to enhance the clarity and academic tone of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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