IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Homelessness in increasingly in many major city's around the world. What are the problem and give solutions.

#homelessness #city #world
More and more
people
 have no their own house in many
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of the world.
This
 problem
causes
Wrong verb form
is caused
show examples
 by competitive employment in the workplace with
low quality
Add a hyphen
low-quality
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 leads to poverty.
However
, the government can give social assistance
as well as
 mini training for getting a better
job
 as viable solutions. Most
people
 become homeless because their quality as a person is fairly bad in
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 competitive days which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them have no
job
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 income.
Hence
, they barely pay
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 primary needs
such
 as food and living place.
Consequently
, they end up living on the road.
For instance
, Nigeria, a country with the most homeless population in the world, have no appropriate access to the most basic services
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 their citizens
must be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
homeless
people
.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governance
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
main
Correct article usage
a main
show examples
 role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 giving
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to
this
 issue. From citizen's tax, the executive can make
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 for homeless
people
 with social assistance and
job
 training for
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 time. It will be helpful because they can use the funds whether for building small
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 or trying to get at least a rough
job
.
In addition
, they will have their own salaries and continue their better life.
For example
, in Indonesia, there is a monthly program for unhoused individuals which the government will give money to them and a nursing home for
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 who do not have any
family's
Change noun form
family
show examples
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
. In conclusion,
while
 there are several steps that countries can take to solve homelessness
such
 as giving modals and colloquium, the problem caused by
this
 issue
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 major impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the cities.
Submitted by triayudea01 on

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task achievement
The essay partially addresses the aspects of the topic; however, it does not fully develop a clear position throughout. The response to the task must offer a more comprehensive consideration of the issues and solutions.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main ideas, as well as better linking and transitional phrases to ensure the argument flows more naturally.

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