IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Development is fast growing . more and more machines are replacing humans ? Does the advantages overweigh the disadvantages ?? Discuss and give vital example

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Robotic importation is on the rise in today's environment.
However
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, it is becoming more prominent as the majority of technology is substituting it for individuals.
This
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 essay will discuss both its merits and demerits and
also
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 give my opinion on reasons' why am in support of the former.
To begin
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, the importance of
machines
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 is significant in our environment as a source of prompt revenue.
This
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 is because factory uses them
in producing
Change preposition
to produce
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 large quantities of goods for consumers within a short period of time, which enables the company
makes
Change the verb form
to make
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' lots of money as compared to assigning humans
do
Fix the infinitive
to do
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 the jobs. Another reason is it makes
work
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 easier for people. To explain
further
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,
tasks
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 that are assigned to employees can be shared in other for the robots to get their part of the assignment done.
For example
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, in the past years at my place of
work
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, there was
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
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 of staff
due to
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strenuous
Correct article usage
a strenuous
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 workload, which resulted in workers calling in sick and resigning, but with these
machines
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 in place, all these problems have been resolved.
On the other hand
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, the abundance of automated
machines
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 has caused
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of employment among the citizens. To elucidate
further
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, many leaders in an organization have requested their employees quit their jobs
due to
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 the mass importation of imported robots
in
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into
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 the office, which has taken over their
tasks
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 at
work
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.
Secondly
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, it has a negative impact on
staffs'
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staffs
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, by making them indolent.
In other words
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, employees tend to leave their
work
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 duty, thereby programming the
machines
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 on how to
work
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 for them.
For instance
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, a surveillance camera captured a group of
receptionists'
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receptionists
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 at
kirikiri
Change the capitalization
Kirikiri
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 prison in Lagos State Nigeria, sleeping in their offices, whilst a machine was seen doing their jobs.
As a result
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, these robots
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
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 the need for laziness on a daily
work
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 basis. Personally, I believe automated
machines
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 are advantageous, as they enhance quick money and enable easier
tasks
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 for individuals, which has superseded the demerits, thereby making them more pronounced and enjoyable. In conclusion, I believe the benefits of making
tasks
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 less difficult and achieving faster revenues have overruled the drawbacks of being unemployed and idle.

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion were present but could be enhanced by more clearly paraphrasing the question and providing a clearer thesis statement in the introduction, as well as a summarised restatement of main points in the conclusion.
supported main points
Main points were supported reasonably well. However, try to integrate examples that are more widely applicable and less anecdotal unless specifically requested. Aim for stronger topic sentences to introduce paragraphs.
complete response
The essay addressed the task mostly, but did not seem completely balanced. You should strive to discuss both sides of the argument fairly before giving a reasoned opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
While ideas were mostly clear, there's room for improvement in articulating them more comprehensively. Ensure each point is fully explained and fleshed out to ensure the examiner understands the full scope of your argument.
relevant specific examples
The example given appeared to be anecdotal and may not be considered strong evidence. Include more generalizable examples that corroborate your points effectively.
logical structure
Though the essay's structure features an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, transitions between ideas can be smoothed out. Use cohesive devices strategically to guide the reader more clearly from one point to the next.
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