IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest tax-payer's money in healthcare, other believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion

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In the current world , individuals think that authorities should invest tax-payer income to develop and fix the
healthcare
Use synonyms
 sector ,
while
Linking Words
 others disagree and suggest the utilization of
this
Linking Words
 money in other areas . I personally believe that
healthcare
Use synonyms
 enhancement is indispensable . So, huge investments should be established in order to provide the optimum prevention and treatment to the community . On one hand , those who are against the government's full funding for
healthcare
Use synonyms
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
 tackled other crucial concerns
such
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 as climate change , transport and education . They suggested equal funding to each sector , and they claimed that because they are the ones who pay the taxes ; they have the right to decide how to divide them . Some added that people should pay for their
healthcare
Use synonyms
 services and insurance companies can cover a wide range of the treatments offered .
Conversely
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 , some argue that
healthcare
Use synonyms
 is the most important fundamental service to be provided and should be totally free.
Therefore
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, all
taxpayers
Change noun form
taxpayer's
taxpayers'
show examples
 money should be managed to cover the fees . They suggested that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must invest
this
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 money in building new
healthcare
Use synonyms
 centres , public health and awareness institutions. I think that if society remains healthy and disease-free there will be a better chance to improve other sectors that need financial support
as well as
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 human labor .
To sum up
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 , a healthy society member can participate more efficiently to ameliorate his country ,
thus
Linking Words
; taking good care of the individual well-being will definitely enhance the whole area .

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relevant specific examples
To achieve a higher score, consider enriching the essay with more relevant and specific examples. For instance, you could mention a particular success story of a country that prioritized healthcare and saw overall improvement, or statistics that emphasize the benefits or drawbacks of government spending in other sectors.
logical structure
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs. Each paragraph should naturally lead to the next. This could be achieved by using more transitional phrases and ensuring each argument is succinctly introduced and concluded before moving on to the next one.
clear comprehensive ideas
Elevate the clarity of comprehensive ideas. Elaborate on certain points made and ensure all arguments are fully fleshed out. Breaking down and explaining complex ideas with straightforward language could help in achieving this.
complete response
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument clearly before providing the author's opinion. This strengthens the task response.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively sums up the author's viewpoint and ties the essay together nicely, reinforcing the importance of healthcare.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Tax-payer’s money
  • Healthcare
  • Long-term costs
  • Productive workforce
  • Sick days
  • Equal access
  • Essential services
  • Sectors
  • Education
  • Infrastructure
  • Defense
  • Development
  • Security
  • Knowledgeable population
  • Innovation
  • Economic growth
  • Quality of life
  • Funding allocation
  • Comprehensive development
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