IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be beneficial to society. Others say the purpose of education is to achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #purpose #education #individuals #society #ambitions
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Although
 it is sometimes thought that personal goals should be the priority of studying, other people believe that preparation through
education
 in order to benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 is superior.
While
 I can
undrestnad
Correct your spelling
understand
 why some individuals string
along with
 the former belief, I think it would be in all our interests if
education
 could help to make a better community. To achieve a clear picture;
this
 matter needs to be seen
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a wider context. On the one hand, it is mistakenly alleged that personal success is as important as, if not more
importan
Correct your spelling
important
 than, national success.
This
 assumption claims that each person has the right to prioritize
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
show examples
 goals.
Furthermore
, when someone
do
Verb problem
makes
show examples
 all the
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 to become an educated person, they would think
financial
Change preposition
about financial
show examples
 matters first.
Due to
 financial
concerns
Add a comma
concerns,
show examples
 people have become greedier in recent times and they do not think of whether they can help their
country
 or not. Those well-educated experts who immigrate from their
motherhood
Replace the word
mother
show examples
country
 to a developed
country
 in order to
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
payment
Replace the word
pay
show examples
 can be a good case in point.
This
 group,
however
, claims that they can think of their own personal desires and as soon as acquiring them, they can help their community, which is too optimistical to become practical.
On the other hand
, it would be nationally and socially beneficial for the community if the goal of
education
 was helping
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. The salient point to note here is that when it is
programmized
Correct your spelling
programmed
 that well-educated people should help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
,
this
 would lead to
raise
Change the verb form
raising
show examples
 an open-minded generation with broadened horizons, which can increase the level of knowledge in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
This
,
therefore
, might bring about a brighter future for the
country
 and it can even
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 to create a better future for the universe. In conclusion, from my point of view,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 socially and nationally
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mankind if the
porpuse
Correct your spelling
purpose
 of
education
were making
Wrong verb form
is to make
show examples
 individuals ready to help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
Submitted by alifarzaneh on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea and be well-developed. The conclusion should summarise your main points and restate your opinion.
task achievement
You need to fully address all parts of the task. Make sure to discuss both views the question mentions, not just one, and provide a clear opinion of your own. Examples should be directly relevant and fully developed to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preparation
  • beneficial
  • society
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • civic responsibility
  • active participation
  • social initiatives
  • societal issues
  • solutions
  • specialized professions
  • personal growth
  • self-fulfillment
  • passions
  • interests
  • potential
  • talents
  • job prospects
  • financial stability
  • balance
  • meaningful
  • foundation
  • emphasis
What to do next:
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