IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think young people are not suitable for important position in the government while other people think it is a good idea for young people to take on the positions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Governments are important components of society as they rule and take on responsibility for the direction of the country. Involving young people in
such
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 vital decisions might be compelling for some, mainly
due to
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 the lack of experience and maturity,
however
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, it is a change that might boost these public institutions with fresher ideas and energy. Both views will be analyzed and discussed thoroughly in
this
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 essay. Undoubtedly, the most literate individuals in a community have to be the ones running crucial positions in public instances as they have knowledge and experience that contribute to a nation's growth.
For instance
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, in the
last
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 4 elections in Mexico, all candidates possessed at the very least a major degree in any area,
while
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 most were awarded higher titles,
hence
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, denoting their capability to run a country.
In contrast
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, one cannot overlook how much time those titles took to be obtained, concluding
that is
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 practically impossible for a subject in his/her 20s to be that prepared.
On the other hand
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, youngsters might lack various titles and an outweigh curriculum because of the short time they have spent forging their careers. Even though they cannot boast a bright and rich career, their ability and different approach, from a new generation's perspective, is of the utmost importance to unify and merge a generational transition.
For example
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, in the
last
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 election in Mexico, some prospects proposed digital development and regulation
as a result
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 of new political advisers bringing up the topic.
Although
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 the advisers were not competing for the presidency, they were involved and consulted by said candidates, showing how important their work was. In conclusion, nobody can turn his/her back on the oldest candidates' achievements as it is a reliable indicator of probable success,
however
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, involving inexperienced people with outstanding academic backgrounds means an opportunity for newer generations to take on. Not only will youngsters give their best but they
also
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 will provide new perspectives.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are constructed in a logical sequence. Your essay shows some signs of logical structure, but at times, the progression of ideas can be enhanced. Seek to improve transitions between ideas and paragraphs for a smoother reading experience.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they could be further enhanced to more clearly indicate the scope and to synthesize key arguments effectively. A more pronounced stance in the conclusion would benefit the overall clarity.
coherence cohesion
When supporting your main points, aim for depth and development by incorporating a more thorough analysis and discussion. Your essay touches on relevant points, but further elaboration would strengthen your argumentation.
task achievement
Strive for a complete response to the prompt by addressing all components of the given task. While your essay discusses both sides of the argument, a more pronounced personal opinion would improve the response.
task achievement
To communicate clear and comprehensive ideas, ensure that each paragraph presents a distinct point that contributes to the overall argument. Aim to clarify your ideas for the reader by refining topic sentences and supporting details.
task achievement
While examples are relevant, they could be more specific and detailed to enrich your argument. Refer to concrete situations or statistics to illustrate your points and make your essay more persuasive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deep understanding
  • professional relationships
  • effective governance
  • fresh and innovative ideas
  • modernizing government policies
  • contemporary issues
  • familiarity with technology
  • social media
  • digital age
  • adaptable
  • open to change
  • progressive policies
  • emotional maturity
  • decision-making skills
  • gravitas
  • authority
  • leadership positions
  • democratic representation
  • policymaking
  • balanced and inclusive governance
  • competence
  • passion
  • dedication
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