Nowadays television and the Internet have a greater influence on children's behavior than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The impacts of television and the
internet
have increased in recent days on kids' acting due to
their rising usage, and some people believe that these two factors have deeper effects on children
's behaviour more
than their Correct quantifier usage
apply
parents
. This
essay completely agrees
Add the preposition
agrees on
agrees to
agrees with
this
idea,
and will explain why TV and the Remove the comma
apply
internet
have extended
impact on Correct article usage
an extended
children
.
One of the reasons why children
are affected by the internet
rather than their parents
is Correct article usage
the prevelance
prevelance
of social media among teenagers. There are various applications, which may Correct your spelling
prevalence
use
via the Wrong verb form
be used
internet
, are
able to provide different alternatives to kids, and increase their Correct pronoun usage
that are
screentime
. The more they engage in social media, the more they spend their time by themselves, or their friends Correct your spelling
screen time
instead
of their parents
. Hence
, their characters are likely to shape
irrespective of their Wrong verb form
be shaped
parents
. For example
, when a girl spend
much of her time online Change the verb form
spends
by
reading an influencer's articles, she tends to think like that figure; Change preposition
apply
however
, another girl, who enjoy
engaging in some activities with her mother is likely to have Correct subject-verb agreement
enjoys
similar
thinking pattern Correct article usage
a similar
with
her mother, owing to the fact that they share much time together.
Change preposition
to
On the other hand
, these days many parents
have faced many diffuculties
in their Correct your spelling
difficulties
life
, and the most remarkable issue is Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Correct article usage
the econmic
econmic
crisis. In order to keep their job, workers have to work longer hours compared to the past, as companies tend to fire their Correct your spelling
economic
employments
, whose performance Replace the word
employees
lower
than others. Add a missing verb
is lower
As a result
of this
stressful atmosphere at workplace
, mothers and fathers can neglect their offspring's needs, and may become blind eyes unconsciously. Unfortunately and Correct article usage
the workplace
unevitably
, Correct your spelling
inevitably
this
process may lead to the
sense of loneliness and resentment in Correct article usage
a
children
, so they try to cover these senses with artificial figures on TV or internet
. Correct article usage
the internet
Therefore
, they are impressed by them easily, since they have not a real guide in their life.
To conclude
, the reality of
Change preposition
that
children
are affected by online figure
rather than their Fix the agreement mistake
figures
parents
can not be denied. Common use of social media,
and challenging work conditions can be accepted Remove the comma
apply
significant
causes. Change preposition
as significant
Parents
, should be aware of these patterns, and endeavour to shape theis
Correct your spelling
their
offsprings
carefully.Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay clearly with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is developed throughout the paragraph.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use linking words to show the relationship between your ideas, such as 'therefore', 'however', and 'for example'. This makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with specific examples or data. This strengthens your argument and shows that you can think critically about the topic.
Task Achievement
Make sure to directly address the prompt in your introduction and conclusion. This shows a clear understanding of the task and maintains a focused response throughout the essay.
Language Usage
Proofread your essay to correct any grammatical errors or awkward phrasing. Even small mistakes can affect the clarity of your argument.
Language Usage
Try to vary your sentence structures and use a range of vocabulary to demonstrate your proficiency in English. This can also make your essay more engaging to read.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example