Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Many parents and schools can see the benefits of using
smartphones
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to support
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children
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’s learning process.
However
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, introducing
such
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development
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to
children
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leads to them using it on a daily basis. In my view,
this
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should be perceived as a negative
development
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since
smartphones
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can affect
on
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apply
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the
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apply
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children
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’s cognitive
development
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as well as
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their physical well-being.
Firstly
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, it will reduce
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children
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’s attention span.
This
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is because almost all of the entertainment content in social media is frequently produced creatively in
form
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the form
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of short videos.
For example
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, the videos on Tikok or Instagram are truly engaging with millions of options to see. In that way,
by
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apply
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watching
to
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apply
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it repeatedly every day can badly influence
childrens’
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children’s
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attention as they are more indulged
to
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in
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seeing short-term information which
as a result
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make
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makes
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them find it hard to read longer
informations
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information
pieces of information
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especially
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, especially
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without any interesting graphic decorations.
Secondly
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, the bad impact
from
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of
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overusing
smartphones
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can
also
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be seen physically. Every digital
devices
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device
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, including
smartphones
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, contains high exposure
of
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to
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radiation rays which can seriously affect our eyes to suffer from near-sigthtnessed.
Although
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it is a common disease to everyone,
but
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apply
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by
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apply
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allowing
children
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to get much exposure
from
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to
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radiation will higher the chance
to rely
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of relying
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on optical
eye-glasses
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eyeglasses
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in
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at
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an early age.
To conclude
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, I strongly believe that these reasons outweigh the advantages of
the
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apply
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smartphones
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smartphone
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usage to
children
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. Not only that
smartphones
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hinder the crucial part
during
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of
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cognitive
development
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by reducing the attention span,
yet
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but
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children
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’s eyesight will definitely be affected by radiation rays. To tackle
this
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, the role of parents as the closest family members is somewhat crucial in setting boundaries regarding daily digital usage
to
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for
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their
children
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.
Submitted by pink panther on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your introduction sets the stage well, but the concluding paragraph could be enhanced by summarizing the main points more effectively and restating the thesis.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your paragraphs. While your ideas are mostly well-organized, there are occasional abrupt transitions that can make the essay slightly difficult to follow. Using a wider range of linking phrases could help with smooth progression between points.
task achievement
Continue to support your main points with specific examples or experiences. Your current examples could be strengthened with more detailed elaboration to make the argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Be mindful of staying balanced in your response by acknowledging the opposing viewpoint, even if briefly. This can demonstrate a deeper level of analysis and understanding of the question.
task achievement
Pay attention to your essay length; aim for a more developed main body that can fully explore your ideas and include counterarguments where appropriate.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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