Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Many parents and schools can see the benefits of using
smartphones
to support Use synonyms
Use synonyms
children
’s learning process. Use synonyms
However
, introducing Linking Words
such
Linking Words
development
to Use synonyms
children
leads to them using it on a daily basis. In my view, Use synonyms
this
should be perceived as a negative Linking Words
development
since Use synonyms
smartphones
can affect Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
Use synonyms
children
’s cognitive Use synonyms
development
Use synonyms
as well as
their physical well-being.
Linking Words
Firstly
, it will reduce Linking Words
Use synonyms
children
’s attention span. Use synonyms
This
is because almost all of the entertainment content in social media is frequently produced creatively in Linking Words
form
of short videos. Correct article usage
the form
For example
, the videos on Tikok or Instagram are truly engaging with millions of options to see. In that way, Linking Words
by
watching Change preposition
apply
to
it repeatedly every day can badly influence Change preposition
apply
childrens’
attention as they are more indulged Change noun form
children’s
to
seeing short-term information which Change preposition
in
as a result
Linking Words
make
them find it hard to read longer Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
especially
without any interesting graphic decorations.
Add the comma(s)
, especially
Secondly
, the bad impact Linking Words
from
overusing Change preposition
of
smartphones
can Use synonyms
also
be seen physically. Every digital Linking Words
devices
, including Change to a singular noun
device
smartphones
, contains high exposure Use synonyms
of
radiation rays which can seriously affect our eyes to suffer from near-sigthtnessed. Change preposition
to
Although
it is a common disease to everyone, Linking Words
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
by
allowing Change preposition
apply
children
to get much exposure Use synonyms
from
radiation will higher the chance Change preposition
to
to rely
on optical Change preposition
of relying
eye-glasses
Correct your spelling
eyeglasses
in
an early age.
Change preposition
at
To conclude
, I strongly believe that these reasons outweigh the advantages of Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
Use synonyms
smartphones
usage to Change the noun form
smartphone
children
. Not only that Use synonyms
smartphones
hinder the crucial part Use synonyms
during
cognitive Change preposition
of
development
by reducing the attention span, Use synonyms
yet
Correct word choice
but
Use synonyms
children
’s eyesight will definitely be affected by radiation rays. To tackle Use synonyms
this
, the role of parents as the closest family members is somewhat crucial in setting boundaries regarding daily digital usage Linking Words
to
their Change preposition
for
children
.Use synonyms
Submitted by pink panther on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your introduction sets the stage well, but the concluding paragraph could be enhanced by summarizing the main points more effectively and restating the thesis.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your paragraphs. While your ideas are mostly well-organized, there are occasional abrupt transitions that can make the essay slightly difficult to follow. Using a wider range of linking phrases could help with smooth progression between points.
task achievement
Continue to support your main points with specific examples or experiences. Your current examples could be strengthened with more detailed elaboration to make the argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Be mindful of staying balanced in your response by acknowledging the opposing viewpoint, even if briefly. This can demonstrate a deeper level of analysis and understanding of the question.
task achievement
Pay attention to your essay length; aim for a more developed main body that can fully explore your ideas and include counterarguments where appropriate.