IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 present world, a sphere of arts
such
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 as music, theatre, and sculptures define the heritage and culture of the country.In recent times, more importance has been given to the improvement of public services and facilities by the authorities.Even though the nation's well-being is the ministry's priority, equal importance must be given to protecting ancient art and culture.In my opinion, balanced planning is essential for the economy of the country
as well as
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 cultural development. As mentioned above, schools, hospitals and other community infrastructure are significant for better standards of living.
For instance
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, an illiterate society might increase criminal activities, discrimination and lack of awareness among the people. Every child and adult needs education for a better future.
Similarly
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, health is another prime facility that the state constantly invests in eventually resulting in healthy communities and societies contributing to better performance.
Therefore
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, it is important to focus on
such
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 fundamental services expected by the people
while
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 preparing the budget.
However
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,
this
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 does not mean arts can be neglected.Every artwork leads back to ancient history and portrays the cultural aspects of the modern world.It illustrates an underlying story that defines its identity and uniqueness.Henceforth, equal importance should be given to different creative activities
besides
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 investing in public services.
Moreover
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, citizens enjoy cultural wealth like music and theatre which relieves them from stress and provides entertainment in their stressful lives.
Thus
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 art forms need to be acknowledged with great significance by the power.
To sum up
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, arts that describe the prominence and development of basic facilities to raise the standards of living equally contribute to the nation's greatness.Having said that, I agree that the government should offer its financial assistance to both fields evenly.

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Develop your arguments further by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your points; this will enrich your essay and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, make sure your ideas flow naturally from one to another and that you use appropriate linking words and phrases to connect them.
coherence cohesion
The essay should have a clear introduction presenting the topic and a precise conclusion summarizing the main points and your viewpoint.
task achievement
Remember to directly address the prompt by stating whether you agree or disagree clearly in the introduction and reaffirming your position in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate language proficiency and to make your writing more engaging.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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