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Writing Samples
Band 4

The table and chart show data from a survey of library users. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table and chart show data from a survey of library users. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
This
Linking Words
 figure compares
behaviour
Correct article usage
the behaviour
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each age group
Use synonyms
library
Change preposition
of library
show examples
 users when visiting the
library
Use synonyms
 in 2012. The majority of
library
Use synonyms
 users are high schoolers (16-17
years
Use synonyms
 old),
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they are most likely to get help
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the librarian. Meanwhile, most of the early workers (25-29
years
Use synonyms
 old) and university pupils (18-24
years
Use synonyms
 old) think
Use synonyms
library
Add an article
the library
a library
show examples
 is important.
In addition
Linking Words
, most
visitors
Use synonyms
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
Use synonyms
library
Add an article
the library
a library
show examples
 for research purposes. High schoolers in 2012 had tendencies to visit
Use synonyms
library
Correct article usage
the library
show examples
 most often. 72% of 16-17
years
Use synonyms
 old pupils had used the
library
Use synonyms
 and 43% of the
visitors
Use synonyms
 got help from the librarian to find their needs.
Linking Words
Whereas
Correct word choice
However
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,
Use synonyms
library
Replace the word
the libraries
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was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 not that popular among the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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 starting from 18 to 29
years
Use synonyms
 old, as only half of the population have ever
got
Replace the word
gotten
show examples
 into the
library
Use synonyms
. It is
inline
Correct your spelling
in line
show examples
 with the numbers of these two age group's
visitors
Use synonyms
 who got helped by the librarian
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
approximately 20%.
Conversely
Linking Words
, with the declining
visitors
Use synonyms
 trend, the majority of university students and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
early workers thought that
Use synonyms
library
Correct article usage
the library
show examples
 was important. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
variety
Add an article
a variety
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on
Change preposition
of
show examples
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
activities
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
people do in the
library
Use synonyms
. The majority of
visitors
Use synonyms
 enjoy
Use synonyms
library
Correct article usage
the library
show examples
 to help them
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the least visitor did was to borrow newspapers.
Although
Linking Words
borrow
Wrong verb form
borrowing
show examples
 books is still considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
popular,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it seems that
it
Add a verb
it is
it was
show examples
 only popular among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high schoolers.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words library, years, visitors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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