IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The table and chart show data from a survey of library users. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The table and chart show data from a survey of library users. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
#show #data #survey #library #users #summarise #information #features #comparisons #minutes
This
 figure compares
behaviour
Correct article usage
the behaviour
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each age group
library
Change preposition
of library
show examples
 users when visiting the
library
 in 2012. The majority of
library
 users are high schoolers (16-17
years
 old),
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they are most likely to get help
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the librarian. Meanwhile, most of the early workers (25-29
years
 old) and university pupils (18-24
years
 old) think
library
Add an article
the library
a library
show examples
 is important.
In addition
, most
visitors
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
library
Add an article
the library
a library
show examples
 for research purposes. High schoolers in 2012 had tendencies to visit
library
Correct article usage
the library
show examples
 most often. 72% of 16-17
years
 old pupils had used the
library
 and 43% of the
visitors
 got help from the librarian to find their needs.
Whereas
Correct word choice
However
show examples
,
library
Replace the word
the libraries
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 not that popular among the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 starting from 18 to 29
years
 old, as only half of the population have ever
got
Replace the word
gotten
show examples
 into the
library
. It is
inline
Correct your spelling
in line
show examples
 with the numbers of these two age group's
visitors
 who got helped by the librarian
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
approximately 20%.
Conversely
, with the declining
visitors
 trend, the majority of university students and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
early workers thought that
library
Correct article usage
the library
show examples
 was important. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
activities
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
people do in the
library
. The majority of
visitors
 enjoy
library
Correct article usage
the library
show examples
 to help them
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research.
Whereas
 the least visitor did was to borrow newspapers.
Although
borrow
Wrong verb form
borrowing
show examples
 books is still considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
popular,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it seems that
it
Add a verb
it is
it was
show examples
 only popular among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high schoolers.
Submitted by rkarinameu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words library, years, visitors with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: