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Band 5

In many countries, small shops are closing. Give your reasons about this. Is it positive or negative? Give examples from your knowledge and experience.

#countries #shops
There is no doubt that
cumerism
Correct your spelling
consumerism
 has changed over the past few decades around the globe.
Therefore
, small retail establishments are stopping their services
due to
 the
business
 loss. In my view,
this
 is a
neagative
Correct your spelling
negative
 development
as
Correct your spelling
has
show examples
 ample reasons to substantiate it. First and foremost, the local retail
business
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a significant role in the
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 and social development of the area.
In other words
, the local
business
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not only the place for shopping but
also
 it is culturally linked with the society.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 often sponsor local events
such
 as book fairs,
carnivals
Correct word choice
and carnivals
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
collabration
Correct your spelling
collaboration
 with local authorities.
Furthermore
, the local
shops
are obviously support
Change the verb form
obviously support
show examples
 local
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 which would develop
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
show examples
 and agricultural sectors in the area.
In contrast
, since corporate retail
oragnisations
Correct your spelling
organisations
organisation
,
arguably
Add a missing verb
are arguably
show examples
,
profit oriented
Add a hyphen
profit-oriented
show examples
, they may import cheaper products
instead
.
Furthermore
, the local
shops
are often provide
Change the verb form
often provide
show examples
 credit to
needed
Replace the word
needy
show examples
 people as they
know
Wrong verb form
have known
show examples
 each other for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time. The local
shops
 support the residents to provide groceries without money which they can pay
latter
Correct your spelling
later
show examples
.
Consequently
, the larger retail
business
 establishment may not provide credit
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 to their clients.
Similarly
,
while
 the domestic
business
 may purchase from different vendors, the larger retail groups might have their own production and distribution
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
.
As a result
, the money will not be distributed back to the society. In conclusion, the socio-economically the small
retails
Replace the word
retail
show examples
shops
 are linked with the society.
Moreover
, the
needed
Replace the word
needy
show examples
 people would get benefit from them, ergo, I believe that the local
shops
 should be protected.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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coherence cohesion
Include a broader range of sentence structures and ensure paragraphing is clear and logical to enhance the logical flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Directly answer the question and maintain a clear position throughout the response. Ensure that all parts of the task are addressed sufficiently.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more specific examples and evidence. Providing hypothetical or real-world examples adds to the persuasiveness of your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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