IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In the letter • describe the situation • explain your problems and why it is difficult to work • say what kind of accommodation you would prefer

#room #college #student #arrangement #work #accommodation #officer #situation
Dear sir, I hope you are well. I am the student that lives in the 12
room
Fix the agreement mistake
rooms
show examples
 of the
accommodation
 officer at the college. And I am writing
this
 letter to you to complain about the arrangement of my
accommodation
. Currently, I share my
accommodation
 with another student. But it has been very difficult to share with him. He is always listening to music
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a very loud volume and
don´t
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn´t
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 do the dishes, the garbage...
This
 is very annoying and it is disturbing me to study and sleep well. I
also
 tried to talk about
these situation
Change the determiner
this situation
these situations
show examples
 with him, but
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 have not seen changes in his behaviors after the talks. In
dispite
Correct your spelling
spite
 of
this
, I would like to know if there is the option to change me to another kind of
accommodation
. I would prefer to live in a
Correct your spelling
single
sinlge
Correct your spelling
single
 room if there is an available option I look forward to your comments on
this
 matter
Your
Correct the word
Yours
show examples
 sincerely, Dani
Submitted by danielejaegger on

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content
To improve task response, ensure you expand on each point you make. When mentioning the problems, be specific about how they affect your ability to work and study, providing more details and examples.
structure
Work on developing a clear paragraph structure with a distinct main idea in each paragraph. It is helpful to start a new paragraph for each new topic, such as describing the situation, explaining your problems and proposing a solution.
language
For coherence and cohesion, aim to use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs seamlessly. Transition between sentences and ideas can be enhanced by phrases that show cause and effect, contrast, and addition.
language
Rephrase the greeting slightly for a more formal tone, such as 'Dear Accommodation Officer' instead of 'Dear sir,' and also ensure to check the spelling of 'sincerely' in your closing. Make sure all pronouns and articles are correctly used for a more polished result.
accuracy
Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Mistakes like 'I am the student that lives in the 12 room' should be 'I am the student living in room 12' and 'dispite' should be 'despite'. Use complete sentences and proper conjunctions to clarify your points.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • accommodation officer
  • roommate
  • share a room
  • living arrangement
  • difficult to work
  • noise levels
  • study environment
  • privacy concerns
  • alternative accommodation
  • single room
  • academic performance
  • well-being
  • respectfully request
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