IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that private health care is better for the people. Others say that health care should be free of charge and run by the government. How far do you agree or disagree with the statement.

#people #health #care #charge #government
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Health
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 facilities are crucial for
people
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's needs and the
government
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's responsibility to provide
Health
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care
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such
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 as hospitals,
health
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 workers, and medicine. I believe that the
government
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 should be in charge of
this
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 field. If the
government
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 can not fully pay
health
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 bills, those have a subsidy. On the one hand, several
people
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 think personal
health
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care
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 is a burden. It is okay if you don't have a financial issue.
however
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, it is a big problem if you can not solve it. It becomes tough for you if you don't have a settled situation.
Therefore
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, the
government
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 should take a place to support their citizen by providing free of charge
health
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 primary needs.
On the other hand
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, The
government
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 organizes
health
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care
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 by themselves. It helps their citizens from the apocalypse and becomes prosperous for a lot of
people
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.
Therefore
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, the citizens are not worried about their
health
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 issues. They just focus on running their lives.
for instance
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, straight forward to their achievement, gaining money for being well, enjoying their leisure time, and so on. In conclusion, the
government
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 should provide free
health
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 facilities to all those
people
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.
Then
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, citizens can feel convenient about living their lives in that country.
People
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 should not worry again about finding
health
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care
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 around their places.
Submitted by fiez97 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction that outlines your position, leading to a slightly confusing structure overall. Try to start your essay with an introductory paragraph that states the topic and your opinion clearly. Sentence structures could also be made more varied, and it's essential to avoid repetition.
Task Achievement
Consider developing your main points more fully, with more detailed explanations and a variety of specific and relevant examples to substantiate your arguments. Use clear topic sentences to start each paragraph. Make sure to answer the question directly and maintain a consistent position throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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