IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#governments #money #railways #roads
The allocation of government expenditure on
transportation
 infrastructure is a topic of considerable debate.
While
 some argue that governments should allocate more funds to
railways
, considering their efficiency and convenience, I believe it is equally crucial to improve the construction of road networks. Admittedly,
railways
 are often considered the optimal option for many individuals today
due to
 their efficiency and convenience. The advanced technology applied to trains has significantly reduced travel time, exemplified by the astonishing speeds achieved by high-speed trains in countries like China.
Moreover
, the railway station serves as fundamental infrastructure in modern cities, easily accessible to individuals seeking train travel. They are typically located in the heart of urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 near major
transportation
 arteries, ensuring easy accessibility for both residents and tourists exploring travel options.
However
, it is equally significant for the government to invest in road construction. Some
areas
,
such
 as mountainous rural regions, are unsuitable for railway development. In
such
 cases, a well-constructed road network becomes the only viable solution for connecting these
areas
 to urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. Solely emphasizing the construction of
railways
 may neglect the
transportation
 needs of rural regions, leading to serious accessibility issues. In conclusion,
while
railways
 offer efficiency and convenience, the government should not overlook the significance of rural
areas
 that are unsuitable for railway development. A balanced allocation of funds to both
railways
 and roads ensures comprehensive coverage of
transportation
 needs, fostering equitable development across diverse geographical
areas
.
Submitted by revicesong.jn on

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task achievement
Ensure that each main point in your argument is supported by relevant examples or further explanation. Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to illustrate the points made about the efficiency of railways and the importance of road construction in inaccessible areas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from better organization. Consider using more cohesive devices to help your essay flow more naturally from one point to the next. Clearer transition sentences at the end of paragraphs could lead the reader more smoothly to the subsequent point.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, consider strengthening your thesis statement to clearly articulate your stance on the issue. A more nuanced conclusion summarizing your position would also improve the essay's effectiveness.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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