Topic: Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

There are multiple different
society
Change to a plural noun
societies
show examples
in terms of
age
and kind of place to stay. An increasing number of
youngster
Add an article
a youngster
the youngster
show examples
who wants to prolong their career
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
their urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
and decide to stay for
Correct article usage
the long-term
show examples
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
can be a hard problem to face. In my opinion,
this
is a negative development which can lead to the inequitable development of society. The
unbalance
Replace the word
unbalanced
show examples
side of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
will potentially
give
Verb problem
cause
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
harmful situations and
also
problems later on in life. One solid reason that can
arise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
the
youth
Change noun form
youth's
show examples
motivation to move to urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
is
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the good life quality. Technology has been continuously growing up to attract the
youth
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
great
Add an article
the great
a great
show examples
possible
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
in the city, compared to the side. The
youth
thought
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the stuck improvement from rural areas
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
no longer promising
them
Change preposition
to them
show examples
. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, the majority choose to upgrade for
greatest
Correct article usage
the greatest
show examples
sustainability without
anticipate
Change the verb form
anticipating
show examples
any impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
left populations. Another issue will happen after their migration, neglecting rural areas will have a decrease
value
Change preposition
in value
show examples
in cultural transmission due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
departure of the younger. The increase of
aging
Correct article usage
the aging
show examples
population
will
feel
Verb problem
be
show examples
such
a burden
to bound
Verb problem
apply
show examples
for the growth of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
.
Therefore
, the huge loss to the number of productivity
age
will cause a deterioration case. The widening gap in technological advancement, decline of local agriculture, accessibility to implement recent skills, and potential to leave behind. Role of the
youth
in
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
of the rural areas to ameliorate the infrastructure and keep
disseminate
Wrong verb form
disseminating
show examples
positive trends among the
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
.
Situation
Correct determiner usage
This situation
show examples
where
Add a missing verb
is where
show examples
the younger people can help to enlighten about nowadays technology.
Therefore
, the substantiate for great society will serve so many great
impact
Change to a plural noun
impacts
show examples
such
as
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
show examples
to increase the number of productivity,
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
opportunity to
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
a working fields
Correct the article-noun agreement
working fields
a working field
show examples
, controlling one-side
age
population
and procrastinate the delays if only older people stay.  In
conclusions
Fix the agreement mistake
conclusion
show examples
,
although
it has become a choice for
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
age
to move
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
crowded city for good, their presence still
hold
Change the verb form
holds
show examples
important room for greater opportunities for the revitalization of the countryside through the new policies and incentives.
Submitted by sofinnovita on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure that there is a clear introduction that presents the topic and your overall opinion on the development.
logical structure
Work on creating more cohesive paragraphs with clear topic sentences that guide the reader through your arguments.
logical structure
Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
supported main points
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea or argument, providing well-supported explanations and examples.
complete response
Ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task, including explaining why you believe the development is positive or negative.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop your ideas more thoroughly, giving clear, comprehensive explanations and relevant examples to support your opinion.
relevant specific examples
Use specific, detailed examples to support your points and to clearly illustrate your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • demographic shift
  • sustainability
  • cultural heritage
  • infrastructural development
  • agricultural decline
  • technological divide
  • rural depopulation
  • economic disparity
  • revitalization efforts
What to do next:
Look at other essays: