It is common nowadays for each member of family to have their own peace of modern technology. Some people think that this will lead to a break down in the family relationships and communication to what extent do you agree or disagree.

#member #peace #technology #people #break #relationships #communication

In our new modern

world

Add a comma

world,

show examples

each person who

Add a missing verb

is related

show examples

to a family

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

a particular personal

technologycal

Correct your spelling

technological

device ;

however

, a

substaintial

Correct your spelling

substantial

number of

indeviduals

Correct your spelling

individuals

guess that

this

will destroy

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

family ties. Though ,

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

I agree with

this

idea , I will explain some views in

this

essay to make it clear.

Firstly

, needless to

say

Add the comma(s)

say,

show examples

that new technology

impact

Change the verb form

impacts

show examples

our

life style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

dramaticly

Correct your spelling

dramatically

in lots of conditions ; in fact , we can not

scape

Correct your spelling

escape

show examples

from the

consequenses

Correct your spelling

consequences

of what

this

breakthrow

Correct your spelling

breakthrough

brings to us ; to illustrate , consider each member of a family without their phones, it is out of mind in my

immagination

Correct your spelling

imagination

;

therefore

this

habitute

Correct your spelling

habituate

habitude

which is a new

phnomenen

Correct your spelling

phenomenon

causes some problems

such

as getting

use

Change the form of the verb

used

show examples

to loneliness ;

hence

, everyone pass his

time

with some new

gajets

Correct your spelling

gadgets

which have been replaced

in stead

Correct your spelling

instead

show examples

of his family.

On the other hand

, it is crystal clear that there are many attractive

application

Fix the agreement mistake

applications

show examples

and websites which can fill our free

time

;

indead

Correct your spelling

indeed

instead

, by exploring in

visiual

Correct your spelling

visual

virtual

world we

pass

Verb problem

spend

show examples

our

leasure

Correct your spelling

leisure

time

alone in order to have fun with our parents and

sibelings

Correct your spelling

siblings

;

therefore

, our communication would become weak and poor in

time

. In conclusion, to recaptulate above mentioned ideas I once again reaffirm that I agree with

this

break

Correct your spelling

breakdown

show examples

down

Change preposition

apply

show examples

which

happend

Correct your spelling

happened

happens

because of the

technologycal

Correct your spelling

technology

owning

Wrong verb form

owned

show examples

Submitted by sajad.bazdar.2012 on Fri Jan 19 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea to the reader. This helps in guiding the reader through your arguments effectively.

coherence cohesion

Use a range of cohesive devices (such as 'firstly', 'secondly', 'in addition', 'however') properly to link ideas and paragraphs.

task achievement

Present your ideas more clearly by avoiding wordy constructions and irrelevant details. Conciseness and precision are vital in effectively conveying your message.

task achievement

Provide specific examples to support your main points. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates your ability to use relevant details in your essay.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Consistently incorrect usage can greatly affect the clarity and cohesion of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

232 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
In some part of the world, women are not allowed to vote. What is your opinion about this ?
Today, there are still some nations where female suffrage is prohibited. As a woman, I just can say that I am totally against this kind of discrimination because females deserve the same civil rights as males.
7.5
band
Should the government fund the education and healthcare system? What is your opinion?
It is irrefutable that a country's growth largely depends on how educated and healthy its citizens are, and therefore some people suggest a free and state-provided healthcare and education system. The burgeoning population and the lack of funds, however, often make it harder for the authorities to bear the expenses. Therefore, I disagree with the opinion stated and believe that an effective solution, in this case, would be to divide the expenditures between the government and the individuals.
5
band
You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to the college or to try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: • say why he / she would not enjoy going to college • explain why getting a job is a good idea for him/ her • suggest types of job that would be suitable for him/her
I hope you are well. I'm writing to tell you about opinions about go to the college or try to get a job.
8.5
band
Some people believe that technology has led to many positive developments in their lives, while others think technology is gradually taking over control of the way people live.
In the past 50 years technologies have made a huge leap forward and have penetrated into many aspects of our lives. This has led to the division of society into 2 groups: those who believe that these changes are beneficial in many ways, while others are worried about our dependence on innovations. In this essay, I will discuss both opinions and share my outlook.
6
band
Differences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays people are watching the same films, fashion, brands, advertisements and TV channels. To what extend do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?
Differences between countries are turning to less plain. In the present day, people come across the same video. This writer argues that the drawbacks of they will lose their nation's culture and they will live in a foreign culture outweigh the benefits of people are easy to find people who have the same hobbies.

It is common nowadays for each member of family to have their own peace of modern technology. Some people think that this will lead to a break down in the family relationships and communication to what extent do you agree or disagree.

Fully explain your ideas

In some part of the world, women are not allowed to vote. What is your opinion about this ?

Should the government fund the education and healthcare system? What is your opinion?

Some people believe that technology has led to many positive developments in their lives, while others think technology is gradually taking over control of the way people live.

Differences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays people are watching the same films, fashion, brands, advertisements and TV channels. To what extend do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?