It is common nowadays for each member of family to have their own peace of modern technology. Some people think that this will lead to a break down in the family relationships and communication to what extent do you agree or disagree.

In our new modern
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
each person who
related
Add a missing verb
is related
show examples
to a family
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a particular personal
technologycal
Correct your spelling
technological
device ;
however
, a
substaintial
Correct your spelling
substantial
number of
indeviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
guess that
this
will destroy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family ties. Though ,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I agree with
this
idea , I will explain some views in
this
essay to make it clear.
Firstly
, needless to
say
Add the comma(s)
say,
show examples
that new technology
impact
Change the verb form
impacts
show examples
our
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
dramaticly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
in lots of conditions ; in fact , we can not
scape
Correct your spelling
escape
show examples
from the
consequenses
Correct your spelling
consequences
of what
this
breakthrow
Correct your spelling
breakthrough
brings to us ; to illustrate , consider each member of a family without their phones, it is out of mind in my
immagination
Correct your spelling
imagination
;
therefore
,
this
habitute
Correct your spelling
habituate
habitude
which is a new
phnomenen
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
causes some problems
such
as getting
use
Change the form of the verb
used
show examples
to loneliness ;
hence
, everyone pass his
time
with some new
gajets
Correct your spelling
gadgets
which have been replaced
in stead
Correct your spelling
instead
show examples
of his family.
On the other hand
, it is crystal clear that there are many attractive
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
and websites which can fill our free
time
;
indead
Correct your spelling
indeed
instead
, by exploring in
visiual
Correct your spelling
visual
virtual
world we
pass
Verb problem
spend
show examples
our
leasure
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
alone in order to have fun with our parents and
sibelings
Correct your spelling
siblings
;
therefore
, our communication would become weak and poor in
time
. In conclusion, to recaptulate above mentioned ideas I once again reaffirm that I agree with
this
break
Correct your spelling
breakdown
show examples
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
happens
because of the
technologycal
Correct your spelling
technology
owning
Wrong verb form
owned
show examples
.
Submitted by sajad.bazdar.2012 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea to the reader. This helps in guiding the reader through your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices (such as 'firstly', 'secondly', 'in addition', 'however') properly to link ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Present your ideas more clearly by avoiding wordy constructions and irrelevant details. Conciseness and precision are vital in effectively conveying your message.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your main points. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates your ability to use relevant details in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Consistently incorrect usage can greatly affect the clarity and cohesion of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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