In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In many places,
children
are engaged in various types of employment. Some would say that
this
is utterly wrong,
while
others are of the opinion that
this
is fine because it prepares them for the workforce.I agree with the latter point and will show that, despite some concerns about its effect on education, working at a young age can enhance a person’s character. It is often argued that working before the age of eighteen is wrong because it impacts how successful
children
are in their studies.
This
is because they are under increasing pressure to perform academically, and a job will force them to reduce the time they have to study.
For example
, a UK
children
’s charity found that
children
who worked part-time were less likely to achieve higher grades than those who did not.
However
, I believe the lessons
children
can learn from working are invaluable. Getting a part-time job contributes towards
children
’s character development. It teaches them the value of hard work and exposes them to the real world, where they learn things they would never learn in the classroom.
This
can
also
result in them working harder and being more disciplined at school.
For example
, a teenager working in a restaurant for a few hours at the weekend can learn how to interact with the general public without their academic performance being negatively affected.
For
this
reason, I think that concerns about work’s negative effects on education are unfounded. In conclusion, despite fears that
children
will neglect their studies if they are required to work, I argue that a little work experience at a young age can build character.
Submitted by sakshisyal on

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task achievement
Consider addressing both sides of the argument more equally to strengthen the depth of your discussion.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all transitions between sentences and paragraphs smoothly connect your ideas for enhanced coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents both viewpoints and expresses your opinion, setting a strong foundation for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay concludes effectively by reiterating your opinion with conviction, providing a clear summary of your argument.
task achievement
The examples provided, while valuable, grounding the arguments in real-world context, such as the UK children’s charity study.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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