IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is common nowadays for each member of family to have their own peace of modern technology . Some people think that this will lead to a break down in the family realationships and communication to what extend do you agree or disagree.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In our new modern world, each person who is related to a family has a particular personal technological device ;
however
Linking Words
 , a substantial number of individuals guess that
this
Linking Words
 will destroy family ties. Though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
I agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea , I will explain some views in
this
Linking Words
 essay to make it clear.
Firstly
Linking Words
 , needless to say,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
new technology impacts our lifestyle dramatically in lots of conditions ; in fact , we can not escape from the consequences of what
this
Linking Words
 breakthrough brings to us ; to illustrate , consider each member of a family without their phones, it is out of mind in my imagination;
therefore
Linking Words
 ,
this
Linking Words
 habitat which is a new phenomenon causes some problems
such
Linking Words
 as getting used to loneliness ;
hence
Linking Words
 , everyone pass his
time
Use synonyms
 with some new gadgets which have been replaced
instead
Linking Words
 of his family.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is crystal clear that there are many attractive applications and websites which can fill our free
time
Use synonyms
; indeed, by exploring in virtual world we spend our leisure
time
Use synonyms
 alone in order to have fun with our parents and siblings;
therefore
Linking Words
 , our communication would become weak and poor in
time
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, to
recaptulate
Correct your spelling
recapitulate
 above mentioned ideas I once again reaffirm that I agree with
this
Linking Words
 breakdown which happens because of the technology owned.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is expanded with examples or explanations. You could use more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on logical progression of ideas. Use more cohesive devices and topic sentences to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence. Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Connect these parts with transitional phrases.
task achievement
A more varied range of sentence structures and vocabulary can help in expressing clear comprehensive ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: