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Band 4.5

It is common nowadays for each member of family to have their own peace of modern technology . Some people think that this will lead to a break down in the family realationships and communication to what extend do you agree or disagree.

#member #peace #technology #people #break #realationships #communication
In our new modern world, each person who is related to a family has a particular personal technological device ;
however
 , a substantial number of individuals guess that
this
 will destroy family ties. Though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
I agree with
this
 idea , I will explain some views in
this
 essay to make it clear.
Firstly
 , needless to say,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
new technology impacts our lifestyle dramatically in lots of conditions ; in fact , we can not escape from the consequences of what
this
 breakthrough brings to us ; to illustrate , consider each member of a family without their phones, it is out of mind in my imagination;
therefore
 ,
this
 habitat which is a new phenomenon causes some problems
such
 as getting used to loneliness ;
hence
 , everyone pass his
time
 with some new gadgets which have been replaced
instead
 of his family.
On the other hand
, it is crystal clear that there are many attractive applications and websites which can fill our free
time
; indeed, by exploring in virtual world we spend our leisure
time
 alone in order to have fun with our parents and siblings;
therefore
 , our communication would become weak and poor in
time
. In conclusion, to
recaptulate
Correct your spelling
recapitulate
 above mentioned ideas I once again reaffirm that I agree with
this
 breakdown which happens because of the technology owned.
Submitted by sajad.bazdar.2012 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on logical progression of ideas. Use more cohesive devices and topic sentences to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence. Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Connect these parts with transitional phrases.
task achievement
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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