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Band 6

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#priority #businesses #money #responsibilities
In the current era,
businesses
 play an essential role in the lifestyle of people. Some people argue that
companies
 are only making money and they are not biased to the social aspects. In the following essay, we will explore viewpoints, and I will mention my perspective. On the one hand, more and more
companies
 are interested in salaries and avoiding social responsibilities. To illustrate more, many
employees
 suffer from
this
 category who push their mental and physical
health
 to be demolished.
For example
, my brother who works in a big company, can not obtain a
health
 insurance card .
Thus
, young people refuse to join a company and always research about work in government. Obviously, most
companies
 would like to face challenges with a variety of
businesses
.
Therefore
, they pay a lot of money for their machines and
employees
 to achieve profits per year. In fact, they do not think of the needs of
employees
. Generally, I remember a study published by AL Watan newspaper in 2010 that said "The employee pushes his/ her efforts to get money from
businesses
".
Consequently
, the community spends the
health
 to boost a good life. In conclusion, I am convinced nations work hard and honestly.
However
, they should adjust some rules of
companies
 to survive without
health
 dangers.
Moreover
, the country should put strict rules for
businesses
 and encourage them to introduce bonuses in the
last
 year for active
employees
.
Submitted by lailakhalil3 on

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task achievement
Your essay should provide a more balanced view. While you have discussed companies neglecting social responsibilities, you should also explore counterarguments or instances where businesses have positively impacted society.
coherence cohesion
Your main points should be more explicitly stated and organized to enhance clarity. For instance, the paragraph about companies focusing on profits should specifically relate back to social responsibilities more directly.
task achievement
Use more concrete examples and evidence to support your points. For instance, you mentioned a study but did not provide specifics on how it relates to your argument about social responsibilities.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great for setting the context and closing your essay. This helps in maintaining a coherent structure throughout your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your language is quite appropriate, and you make an effort to connect ideas logically within paragraphs.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • profit maximization
  • economic development
  • Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • shareholders
  • moral obligation
  • reputation
  • customer loyalty
  • sustainable business models
  • accountability
  • ethical practices
  • regulations
  • consumer expectations
  • economic sustainability
  • stakeholders
  • social impact
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