IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say this is a positive trend, while others argue that it leads to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

#computers #education #people #trend #consequences #argument
Some people believe
computer
usage
 in
education
 leads to negative consequences.
Whereas
 I believe
this
 could create more positive changes in
education
. On the one hand, computers
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
education
 when it is used for
Correct article usage
a long-time
show examples
long-time
Correct your spelling
long time
show examples
. Because,
while
 using a
computer
,
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 great distractor. What I mean is internet
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 more addictive and
distract
Correct subject-verb agreement
distracts
show examples
 the
learners
 when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
usage
is more
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. Not only
this
 but
also
 loaded with more information where it is difficult to differentiate whether the information is true or false.
For example
, nowadays social media troubles
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
learners
 to focus on their studies because of influencers and their addictive
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
computer
usage
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
more
Add an article
a more
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 positive
impact
 when it is used effectively. In
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 modern world, we can access any information from anywhere and learn any skills through
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
 using
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.
Learners
 can reap
bettter
Correct your spelling
better
 knowledge which in return leads to
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 future.
For instance
, learning through
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
 is
cost effective
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
show examples
 and
consume
Correct subject-verb agreement
consumes
show examples
 less time
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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compared with
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
education
 system and
also
 it is a deliberate way to learn anything
more
Change the word
apply
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faster. So, I believe
computer
usage
 has
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
impact
 than
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
education
 when it is used in a proper way. In conclusion,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
computer
usage
 can cause some negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
 I believe it
also
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 many more positive
impact
 which helps the
learners
 in a better way.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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task achievement
Make sure to introduce both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion. Provide a clearer thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs more logically, ensuring each has a clear main idea, and expand on them with specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs, improving readability and flow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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