IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

International travel is becoming cheaper and more and more countries open their doors for more tourists. Do the advantage of the increased tourism outweigh its disadvantages?

#travel #countries #doors #tourists #advantage #tourism
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Nowadays, it is true that people who prefer international travel are increasing because of its low-cost prices and more tourists are choosing to go abroad for a trip. I support the assertion that the advantages of travelling in foreign countries are by far outweigh its disadvantages.
To begin
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 with, these days more and more explorers tend to choose to see foreign countries because there are affordable tickets for planes, food and hotels. Every sightseer who comes to the new countryside spends all their earnings on visiting historical places, entertainment and restaurants.
For instance
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, Dubai is so popular for its cheap tickets, and
in addition
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, there a plenty of places to go for every tourist wants.
Gained
Wrong verb form
Gaining
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 money will certainly raise the economy of the visited state. There are,
however
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, some drawbacks that can easily overwhelm the potential benefits of international tourism. People who travel for fun purposes often do not care about the cleanliness of that place, resulting
wastage
Replace the word
waste
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 of precious natural resources.
Furthermore
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, there is a possibility
of
Change preposition
apply
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that the local population can get dangerous decease with contact with the sightseer. To illustrate, in 2020
Corona virus
Correct your spelling
Coronavirus
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 was spread through international travelling, and a lot of countries were suffering from
this
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 deadly virus.
This
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 virus was
also
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 responsible for millions of deaths during the pandemic. In conclusion, there are more benefits of international tourism for the host country,
while
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 it might be dangerous for the local population's health.
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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next. Use a variety of cohesive devices such as linking words, pronouns, and conjunctions to ensure smooth transitions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Expand on the main points by providing more detailed examples and explanations. The supporting details should directly reinforce the argument.
Task Achievement
For the task achievement criterion, ensure that the question prompt is fully addressed. This includes discussing the advantages and disadvantages in a balanced way, and making a clear argument as to why one outweighs the other.
Task Achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to express clear and comprehensive ideas. Avoid repetition and strive for precision in language.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to substantiate your arguments. These examples should be clearly linked to the main points and enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic boost
  • local businesses
  • employment generation
  • government revenue
  • cultural exchange
  • global cooperation
  • infrastructure development
  • transport facilities
  • environmental impact
  • pollution
  • natural habitats
  • carbon footprint
  • overcrowding
  • local resources
  • cost of living
  • cultural erosion
  • traditional values
  • customs
  • tourist sites
  • sustainable tourism
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