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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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A commonly held view is that a good way to unite
people
 of various cultural backgrounds and
generations
 is the
music
.
Although
 I completely agree with the former, I do not support the latter and in
this
 essay, I will illustrate my opinion.
Music
 is a universal
language
. It transcends
language
 barriers and cultural differences.
For example
, there is so much international
music
that is
 very popular worldwide, even if the listener does not understand any word of it. A case in point is Michael Jackson's
music
- an American famous singer- which many different
language
 speakers enjoy
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
from all over the world.
Therefore
,
music
 is a good way to foster a sense of allyship and unity among
people
 from various cultural backgrounds. Usually, different
generations
 have different tastes in
music
.
That is
 because new
music
 styles develop in every era. And the new generation may not enjoy old-fashioned
music
, nor do old
people
 enjoy current pop
music
. Take K-pop
music
 as an example; many young
people
 are massive fans of
this
music
,
while
 elderly
people
 may not enjoy listening to K-pop, and prefer to listen to the
music
 when they were young.
Hence
, I think it would be hard to bring
people
 of different ages together.
To conclude
,
Although
 I believe that
music
 can unite
people
 from different parts of the world as it is regardless of
language
 differences, I think it can not satisfy
people
 of
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of
generations
 because usually, every era of time has its own popular
music
 genre that cannot remain popular for the next
generations
Submitted by sarmastsobhan1994 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve your score in coherence and cohesion, aim to create a smoother transition between points. Use a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to knit your paragraphs more tightly together. Having clear Paragraphing with each paragraph including a central idea could strengthen your logical structure.
Task Achievement
In terms of task response, ensure you fully address all parts of the task. While you've covered different views, try to develop your examples further or include a wider variety of examples to support your points more convincingly. Also, make sure that your conclusion encapsulates the extent of your agreement or disagreement effectively by summarizing the main points of the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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