Some people say that the music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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A commonly held view is that a good way to unite

people

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of various cultural backgrounds and

generations

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is the

music

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Although

Linking Words

I completely agree with the former, I do not support the latter and in

this

Linking Words

essay, I will illustrate my opinion.

Music

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is a universal

language

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. It transcends

language

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barriers and cultural differences.

For example

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, there is so much international

music

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that is

Linking Words

very popular worldwide, even if the listener does not understand any word of it. A case in point is Michael Jackson's

music

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- an American famous singer- which many different

language

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speakers enjoy

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

from all over the world.

Therefore

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music

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is a good way to foster a sense of allyship and unity among

people

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from various cultural backgrounds. Usually, different

generations

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have different tastes in

music

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That is

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because new

music

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styles develop in every era. And the new generation may not enjoy old-fashioned

music

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, nor do old

people

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enjoy current pop

music

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. Take K-pop

music

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as an example; many young

people

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are massive fans of

this

Linking Words

music

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while

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elderly

people

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may not enjoy listening to K-pop, and prefer to listen to the

music

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when they were young.

Hence

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, I think it would be hard to bring

people

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of different ages together.

To conclude

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Although

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I believe that

music

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can unite

people

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from different parts of the world as it is regardless of

language

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differences, I think it can not satisfy

people

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variety

Add an article

a variety

show examples

generations

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because usually, every era of time has its own popular

music

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genre that cannot remain popular for the next

generations

Use synonyms

sarmastsobhan1994Fri Jan 19 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

To improve your score in coherence and cohesion, aim to create a smoother transition between points. Use a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to knit your paragraphs more tightly together. Having clear Paragraphing with each paragraph including a central idea could strengthen your logical structure.

Task Achievement

In terms of task response, ensure you fully address all parts of the task. While you've covered different views, try to develop your examples further or include a wider variety of examples to support your points more convincingly. Also, make sure that your conclusion encapsulates the extent of your agreement or disagreement effectively by summarizing the main points of the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

261 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that the music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Include an introduction and conclusion

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