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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

This diagram shows the basic formation of a brick.

This diagram shows the basic formation of a brick.
#formation #brick
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The picture
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
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 the process
to make
Change preposition
of making
show examples
 a brick.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are eight stages
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 making a brick. The first
stage
Use synonyms
is take
Change the verb form
is taking
is taken
show examples
a
Remove the article
clay
a lump of clay
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clay
Use synonyms
 and the
last
Linking Words
stage
Use synonyms
 is shipping the
bricks
Use synonyms
 to many material shops. In the beginning,
a
Remove the article
clay
a lump of clay
show examples
clay
Use synonyms
 must be taken from the
groud
Correct your spelling
ground
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 by a digger. For information,
clay
Use synonyms
 is the basic material to make a brick. After the
clay
Use synonyms
 was taken, the second
stage
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was to
show examples
 put the
clay
Use synonyms
 on
a
Correct article usage
apply
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metal and roller machines. On those two
machines
Add a comma
machines,
show examples
 the basic
clay
Use synonyms
 will be mixed with sand and water.
Next,
Linking Words
clay
Use synonyms
 that
consist
Change the verb form
consists
show examples
sand
Change preposition
of sand
show examples
 and water will be printed by mould or wire cutter. The result of the third
stage
Use synonyms
 is the
bricks
Use synonyms
, but the process
not
Change the verb form
does not
did not
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 stop until there. The wet
bricks
Use synonyms
 have to dry in
drying
Add an article
a drying
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 oven for 24-48 hours
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 different temperatures. There are two temperatures, moderate and high. After
process
Add an article
the process
show examples
 in
drying
Correct article usage
the drying
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 oven
done
Add a missing verb
is done
show examples
, the
bricks
Use synonyms
 will be placed in
cooling
Add an article
the cooling
a cooling
show examples
 chamber for 48-72 hours. Next the
bricks
Use synonyms
 will be packaged and in the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 those
bricks
Use synonyms
 will be shipped to customers.
Submitted by zahra.ghaisanis on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words stage, clay, bricks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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