IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Students should choose a university major that prepares them for high-paying careers. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#students #university #careers
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Money
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 is needed by people to run a comfortable
life
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 and in reality, with the increasing price of daily products that we face nowadays, some people prioritize
money
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 in finding a
job
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 to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 all of their needs. Some people think that students should consider the university major that prepares them for jobs that provide a huge amount of wage. I strongly disagree with
this
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 opinion and feel that doing something when you are not interested in it can result in some negative impact on your
life
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. Even though you need
money
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 to run a comfortable
life
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, doing your
job
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 with your passion is still important.
Above all
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, if you learned something or did something that you are not interested in, it would cause many side effects to your
life
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, especially to your mental health. Students who choose their major based on just the wage,
while
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 they are in a condition when they need the motivation to keep on their study, will feel they lack it, and the worst they will get demotivated and not interested in studying it anymore.
In addition
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, some cases show that students who choose to take their degree and future
job
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 not based on their interest are more likely to give up when they find a problem in their workplace. In conclusion, choosing a degree based on your interest is important, as doing the
job
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 is not about the
money
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, but it affects your
life
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 as a whole, so you must think about it carefully.
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task achievement
Develop your arguments further by providing concrete examples to support your points, which also enhances relevance.
coherence cohesion
To increase the score for coherence and cohesion, work on creating a more logically structured argument with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
task achievement
Expand the essay by giving a balanced view. Acknowledge the other side of the argument to reflect a wider understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your conclusion summarizes your main points effectively, reinforcing the thesis without introducing new information.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • university major
  • high paying careers
  • long-term satisfaction
  • fulfillment
  • factors
  • potential
  • income
  • passion
  • interest
  • success
  • job satisfaction
  • transferable skills
  • balance
  • personal interests
  • financial stability
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