IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunitybto help others. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that one of the prominent benefits of being affluent is that they can think of others. I, personally agree with the said notion that rich
people
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 can play a crucial role in uplifting the condition of poor
people
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 because of mainly two reasons;
fristly
Correct your spelling
firstly
, they are capable of doing various charitable works.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they can create employment opportunities for
people
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. To commence with, Rich
people
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 can help privileged
people
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 by carrying out various charity works
such
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 as donating to NGOs and
oprhanages
Correct your spelling
orphanages
. They
also
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 can initiate the helping hands by providing
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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, medical assistance, education and shelter for those who are deprived of it. Since
,
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apply
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 rich
people
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 have immense money, they can allocate
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 portion of their income
helping
Change the verb form
to help
show examples
people
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 who are in need. There are so many wealthy
people
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 in the world who are contributing to
enhance
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enhancing
show examples
 the living standard of the
people
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.
For example
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: Ratan Tada, the director of Tada Group donates 99% of his total revenue
for
Change preposition
to
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 the well-being of deprived
people
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. He
aslo
Correct your spelling
also
 operates two NGOs.
In addition
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,
people
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 who are living
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 welfare have the ability to run any kind of business.
Therefore
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, by establishing
company
Add an article
a company
the company
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,they can help
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
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 to get a job.
Consequently
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, it will help them to improve their
overall
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 lifestyle.
Moreover
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, they can share their experiences with the youngsters, which can motivate them to work harder and achieve
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 level
success
Change preposition
of success
show examples
.
To sum up
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, having a sufficient amount of money can give
people
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 the
confidient
Correct your spelling
confidence
confident
 to work for others.
However
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, I
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 think that it is necessary to have money
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
 to help
people
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. Anyone willing to help others can help irrespective of financial status.

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with appropriate use of linking words. Transition smoothly between ideas and paragraphs to create a more cohesive argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
An effective introduction and conclusion are vital for a high-scoring essay. Make sure the introduction paraphrases the question and your conclusion summarizes your main points effectively. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
While supporting your main points, it's beneficial to add more specific examples and details. This not only strengthens your argument but makes your essay more engaging and believable.
Task Achievement
To achieve a complete response, ensure all parts of the prompt are thoroughly answered. Expand on your ideas to fully develop your argument, covering all aspects of the topic.
Task Achievement
Your ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Work on your grammar and vocabulary to express complex ideas more effectively.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples are critical in supporting your viewpoint. To enhance your score, use specific and detailed examples that directly support your argument. General or unrelated examples can weaken your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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