IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others

#say #opportunity
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some
people
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 believe that one of the prominent benefits of being affluent is that they can think of others. I, personally agree with the notion that rich
people
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 can play a crucial role in uplifting the condition of poor
people
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 because of mainly two main reasons;
firstly
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, they are capable of doing various charitable works.
Secondly
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, they can create employment opportunities for
people
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. To commence with, rich
people
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 can help underprivileged
people
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 by carrying out various charity works
such
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 as donating to NGOs and orphanages. They
also
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 can initiate the helping hands by providing food, medical assistance, education and shelter for those who are deprived of it. Since rich
people
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 have immense money, they can allocate a certain portion of their income to help folk who are in need. There are so many wealthy
people
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 in the world who are contributing to enhancing the living standard of the
people
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.
For example
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: Ratan Tada, the director of Tada Group donates 99% of his total revenue to the well-being of deprived
people
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. He
also
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 operates two NGOs where children who are not able to go to school are provided with education facilities.
In addition
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,
people
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 who are living on welfare have the ability to run any kind of business.
Therefore
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, by establishing a company,they can help the poor to get a job.
Furthermore
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, they
also
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 seek to expand their business time and again, hereby demanding larger numbers of employees.
Consequently
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, it will help them to improve their
overall
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 lifestyle and the economic condition of the country.
Moreover
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, they can share their experiences with the youngsters, which can motivate them to work harder and achieve the same level of success.
To sum up
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, having a sufficient amount of money can give
people
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 the confidence to work for others. By performing voluntary work and conducting business, higher-class
people
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 can contribute to the welfare of disadvantaged
people
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.
However
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, I don't think that it is necessary to have money in order to help
people
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. Anyone willing to help others can help irrespective of financial status.
Submitted by promishtumrok654 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement is presented in the introduction and reiterate your position in the conclusion for a stronger impact.
Task Achievement
To improve your score, include more specific and varied examples that directly support your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance logical structure, make use of transition words and follow a clear paragraph structure.
Coherence & Cohesion
To achieve better coherence, make sure each paragraph has a central idea that is thoroughly explained and linked to the overall argument of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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