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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the amount of money which was invested by different museums in London.

The bar chart shows the amount of money which was invested by different museums in London.
#bar #amount #money #museums #london
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The graph illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of capital invested into 4 different types of galleries in London from June until October. The research's
object
Replace the word
objectives
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 were focused on
Historical
Correct article usage
the Historical
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Museum
Use synonyms
, British
Museum
Use synonyms
, National
Museum
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, and Science
Museum
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. The graphs
shows
Change the verb form
show
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 the British
museum
Use synonyms
 received higher investment from the others during 5 months period. Remarkably, the
number
Use synonyms
 sky-rocketed to around 700,000
on
Change preposition
in
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 August.
However
Linking Words
, in the
further
Linking Words
period
Add a comma
period,
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 the trend visualized a significant decline.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the national galleries got the lowest amount of capital in the same period of time. Moving next to the Historical
museum
Use synonyms
 which did not seem to attract many investors as the
number
Use synonyms
 steadily
declining
Wrong verb form
declined
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. Science
museum
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, seemingly
to
Verb problem
apply
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presents a good performance each
months
Change to a singular noun
month
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 stayed placid at around 400,000 during the first 3 months and
then
Linking Words
 experienced a drastic improvement
on
Change preposition
in
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 September.
However
Linking Words
, the science
museum
Use synonyms
 had to face a sudden drop to around 300,000
on
Change preposition
in
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 October.
Submitted by kezia.ch.wibowo on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, museum with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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