IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that too much attention and resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The topic of protecting endangered
animals
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 has been a long debatable topic. A number of people advocate that a handsome amount of valuable resources can be provided to conserve
such
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species
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. In my opinion, human beings must take various
measures
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 to save
animals
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 that are on the verge of extinction and maintain the diversity of the ecosystem. Enough
measures
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 have not been taken yet to reverse the situation. A number of distinctive
animals
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,
such
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 as whales, birds etc., are barely surviving the disastrous man-made phenomena like pollution and deforestation.
For instance
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, water pollution is affecting the whale population severely,
as a consequence
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, reducing their survival rate.
Due to
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 the rampant deforestation process,
species
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 of birds have no shelter,
consequently
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, surviving among wild
animals
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 has become a thousand times more difficult.
Such
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 human activities are reprehensible for these disastrous ramifications. It is the moral obligation of human beings to conserve these vulnerable wild
species
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 and sustain the balance of the ecosystem.
Moreover
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, essential
measures
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 like reducing the mindless destruction of forests and pollution can bring a positive outcome . The government must enforce laws to regulate devastating human activities towards protecting
such
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species
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 from extinction
Hence
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, enough resources and
measures
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 have not been taken yet to tackle
such
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 an acute problem. A significant amount of financial resources must be dedicated to
such
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 honourable activity. In conclusion, the human
species
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 must pay proper attention to
this
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 severe problem and bring a comprehensive solution.
Hence
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, concerted actions of the government and people towards protecting wild
species
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 can bring significant change and maintain diversification of the ecological environment.

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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and is well-developed with specific details or examples. While you have put forward your argument, it would be enhanced by including more precise examples to illustrate your points.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, connect your ideas more clearly. Use a range of cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs together. While the essay mostly flows well, at times ideas jump too quickly from one to the next without clear linking or explanations.
task achievement
For a higher score, illustrate each point with real-life examples or data where possible, thereby providing stronger support for your arguments. You have mentioned instances like whale population decline and bird habitat loss, but more detailed and varied examples would be beneficial.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
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