The increase in crime rate in cities is a major concern for governments. Discuss the causes of this increase and suggest ways to reduce crime.

Nowadays, various reasons like financial pressure and some tempting amount of money which can be earned by convicting the
crimes
can lead to a notable increase in
crime
rate in
cities
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
in metropolitan
cities
.
This
essay argues some roots including the financial problems, lack of preventive
rules
and the role of family.
Then
, some proposed remedies and measures like
fund raising
Correct your spelling
fundraising
show examples
for
this
matter
as well as
the roles of parents and
governemt
Correct your spelling
government
that could be taken into account in order to alleviate
this
problem are presented
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
show examples
. In terms of reasons causing
this
pressing problem, the first one to consider is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
reduced circumstances in
cities
that some families are facing.
In other words
, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty is widespread
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
in particular
financial
responsibles
Correct your spelling
responsible
in families are more likely to contemplate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
.
Also
, the preventive
rules
that can decrease the possibility of
crime
commitment can help. Another intrinsic factor that plays a vital role in
this
detrimental problem is that the lack of paternal guidance and moral
guidlines
Correct your spelling
guidelines
may lead youngsters astray.
Therefore
, rarely can we find a prisoner that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
been nurtured in a family paying attention to their culture and ethics. To propose some related suggestions, the government not only has to make
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
show examples
to alleviate poverty
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
pass some
rules
and commensurate punishments to deter the potential
criminials
Correct your spelling
criminals
criminal
from convicting the
crimes
.
Also
, the authorities have to raise the funds allocated to the passed
rules
to ensure
the
Change the word
their
show examples
applicability
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
throughout the
cities
.
On the other hand
, families have to set some
guidlines
Correct your spelling
guidelines
to nurture their children.
This
can
decline
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
the possibility of
crime
commitment.
To conclude
, it is argued that some financial restrictions may cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crimes
in
cities
and
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
has the responsibility to cope with them improving the
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
situation.
Also
, the
law makers
Correct your spelling
lawmakers
show examples
have to introduce some
rules
that put the criminals off the street.
Moreover
, paying
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
proper attention to
nurtur
Correct your spelling
the nurturing
of young people can lead to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
in juvenile
crimes
.
Submitted by hamidreza.rezaei21 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your essay, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph relate directly to that idea. Use transition words to connect ideas smoothly from one sentence to the next.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are both clear and reiterate your main points. Your introduction should introduce the topic and your argument, while the conclusion should summarize the points made without adding new information.
task achievement
Support your main points with more detailed examples. Providing real-life instances, statistical data, or citing specific studies can strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Work on providing a more complete response to the task by ensuring that your essay covers all parts of the prompt fully. This includes discussing the causes of the problem as well as suggesting a wider range of solutions.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas by expanding upon them with more depth and detail. Avoid vague statements and strive to be as specific as possible in your explanations and suggestions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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