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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that robots are very important for humans’ future development. Others, however, think that robots are a dangerous invention that could have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #robots #humans’ #future #development #invention #effects #society
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There is a controversial perspective heating a debate over the tremendous influence of automatic machines on
people
Use synonyms
's lives.
While
Linking Words
 some claim that robotic devices
act as
Verb problem
play
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 a paramount
significant
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
role
for
Change preposition
in
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humans’
Fix the agreement mistake
human’
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 society to thrive in the future, the opposite makes a statement that they are hazardous and could wreak havoc on the community.
While
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 the latter is valid to some extent, I consider myself an advocate of the former. Without a shadow of a doubt, it is imperative for
people
Use synonyms
 to take advantage of machine-based processes for their prosperity.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that by using surveillance cameras, a driverless car can precisely identify obstacles adjacent to the vehicle
as well as
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 communicate with each other to prevent serious collisions.
For example
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, in the USA, the system of automatic cabs experienced a vigorous bloom, which is predicted to potentially curb traffic congestion in order to improve road safety and save
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 time.
Hence
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, artificial intelligence plays
such
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 an important part in
humans’
Fix the agreement mistake
human’
show examples
 development.
While
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 the essence of the robotic machine is widely acknowledged, its disadvantageous effect on society
also
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 exists since it can easily take over
people
Use synonyms
's jobs in working areas.
This
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 could be because the machinery is established to conduct the difficult tasks with higher accuracy and
moreover
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 it does not have tiredness so productivity will be consistently maintained once programmed. To be more specific, production-line work gradually turns from hand-based to machine-based
process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
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so
Correct word choice
apply
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as
the
Correct article usage
a
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consequent
Replace the word
consequence
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, it will lead to the unemployment of a myriad of manual workers all around the world.
Thus
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, automatic devices have an adverse bearing on the community. In
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 high technology takes a toll on
people
Use synonyms
's lives, its importance may overshadow the negative influence.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to structure your essay more clearly with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint and a separate conclusion paragraph at the end.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to help the reader follow the logical flow of your ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Support your main points with more detailed and specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph are relevant to that idea.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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