Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss views and give your opinion.

It is sometimes argued that they would rather land a job than go to the academy.
While
this
could be true to a certain extent, I believe that continuing to invest our knowledge in the educational institution is the most effective way to a delightful career. On the one hand, finding a job after high
school
is attractive for numerous reasons. The first reason is many young people would rather live independently from their families and prefer to have their
source
Correct word choice
own source
show examples
of income.
Secondly
, they believe that learning skills
while
working is better than focusing on studying on the books.
For example
, one of my friend's mother prefers her to help them in developing their family business after
school
.
Nevertheless
, I support the idea that studying is the easiest way to lead you to a bright future and a better life. First of all, we will have a bigger opportunity to get a better occupation than the people who do not come to the
university
.
For example
, a
school
graduate can only work as a waiter in a food store or a mechanic in a workshop.
However
, with a
university
graduate, their chances to become a teacher or doctor are always larger.
Secondly
, we can broaden our minds by moving somewhere new, meeting new people from around the world, and experiencing something new which we have not tried yet.
Lastly
, the
university
is not only about studying but
also
a small society where we are able to live and work with others.
To sum up
,
while
it is apparent that there are some advantages of having a job straight after
school
, it is undeniable that studying at
university
or college is the best route to success in a career.
Submitted by Meganvandao on

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Task Achievement
To improve your task response score, ensure that your opinion is introduced in the beginning and is clearly reinforced throughout your essay. While you provided your opinion, integrating it consistently with examples and further argumentation could make your stance stronger.
Coherence & Cohesion
In enhancing coherence and cohesion, strive for more varied and complex sentence structures and use a wider range of linking words to create smoother transitions between ideas. Although your essay is well-structured, incorporating these elements will elevate your writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
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