IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international toursim creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#tourism #industry #world #toursim #tension #people #cultures
With the increasing changes in modern industries, international
tourism
 has become the most significant section thanks to its economic and cultural advantages.
Nevertheless
, there is a belief that
this
 sector does not help in mutual understanding between cultures but leads to serious tension. From my standpoint, I completely disagree with the above point of view. Conflicts and stress are the result of individual behaviours. International
tourism
 can not be blamed for causing tension, each traveller may have behaved
inapproriately
Correct your spelling
inappropriately
 when travelling abroad,
therefore
, measures should be taken to
preven
Correct your spelling
prevent
further
 consequences. A particular set of rules and warnings has to be introduced thoroughly to tourists before they arrive in a specific country.
Taking
Wrong verb form
Take
show examples
 a trip to India,
for example
, if tourists consume beef products, they are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
criminals
due to
 religious
conviction
Fix the agreement mistake
convictions
show examples
 and may even be imprisoned. Once all travellers have a meticulous understanding of different countries, they are simply less likely to commit contradiction. International
tourism
, in fact, plays an essential role in fostering mutual perception among cultures. Tourists are now capable of exploring deeper into the unknown
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
 and customs globally.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, international
tourism
 is the key to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 the loss
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 culture and
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
 cultural preservation to the fullest. In conclusion, cautious preparation should be taken into serious consideration to minimise unexpected cases
while
 people touring around the world.
Global
Correct article usage
The global
show examples
 vacation industry does not relate to any tension and is very significant in improving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural harmony
as well as
 conservation.
Submitted by phamthithanhbinh6789 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses the question throughout and consistently maintains focus on the argument. While your position is clear at the beginning and end, be sure to directly relate each paragraph to your thesis for stronger task response.
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas smoothly using a range of cohesive devices. Improve paragraph structure by clearly showing the progression of ideas. Try to use a variety of linking words and not repeat the same ones excessively.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to strengthen arguments and to fully answer the task. Use real-world examples or hypothetical situations to exhibit a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: