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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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The majority of
people
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 say that
music
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 is a good way of bringing many
individuals
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 in
one
Use synonyms
 multicultural community with multicultural and different
ages
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 together. Personally, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
music
Use synonyms
 can bring cultural differences together. Many
people
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 argue
music
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 is not a thing when it comes to building a relationship because it is not only about
music
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 a personality. Different cultures and
ages
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 do not mean
individuals
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 would gather in
one
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 space just because of
music
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.
For instance
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, to be a friend of someone, many
individuals
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 would consider someone’s personality first rather than know about their taste in
music
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is easier to bring
people
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 to
one
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 place with the
helping
Replace the word
help
show examples
 of
music
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. If some
individuals
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 have the same
music
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 taste, they will feel connected to each other even though they have different cultures and
ages
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 are different.
For example
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, there is research that shows
people
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 are willing to be in
one
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 place with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others they do not know if there is
one
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 similar thing. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it can be applied in
this
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 situation which is gathering a lot of
people
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 by the
music
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, like in a
music
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 concert.
As a result
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, cultures and
ages
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 are not a problem as long as they can communicate and go well. In conclusion, not everyone can be easily connected only by
music
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.
However
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, in my opinion, I believe that the same
music
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 taste is a good thing for
people
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 to bring a community in
one
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 place because it is easier for them to gather.
Submitted by ieltswriting91 on

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task response
Provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction to effectively address the essay prompt.
task response
Make sure to fully answer the essay question, discussing the extent to which you agree or disagree.
task response
Include specific examples and details to support your opinions, providing a deeper insight into your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and be linked with clear transition phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Make use of varied sentence structures to enhance the readability and flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your conclusion summarizes your main ideas and restates your thesis in a succinct manner, providing a strong wrap-up to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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