Some people say that the music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The majority of
people
say that
music
is a good way of bringing many
individuals
in
one
multicultural community with multicultural and different
ages
together. Personally, I agree with
this
statement because
music
can bring cultural differences together. Many
people
argue
music
is not a thing when it comes to building a relationship because it is not only about
music
but
also
a personality. Different cultures and
ages
do not mean
individuals
would gather in
one
space just because of
music
.
For instance
, to be a friend of someone, many
individuals
would consider someone’s personality first rather than know about their taste in
music
.
On the other hand
, it is easier to bring
people
to
one
place with the
helping
Replace the word
help
show examples
of
music
. If some
individuals
have the same
music
taste, they will feel connected to each other even though they have different cultures and
ages
are different.
For example
, there is research that shows
people
are willing to be in
one
place with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others they do not know if there is
one
similar thing. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it can be applied in
this
situation which is gathering a lot of
people
by the
music
, like in a
music
concert.
As a result
, cultures and
ages
are not a problem as long as they can communicate and go well. In conclusion, not everyone can be easily connected only by
music
.
However
, in my opinion, I believe that the same
music
taste is a good thing for
people
to bring a community in
one
place because it is easier for them to gather.
Submitted by ieltswriting91 on

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task response
Provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction to effectively address the essay prompt.
task response
Make sure to fully answer the essay question, discussing the extent to which you agree or disagree.
task response
Include specific examples and details to support your opinions, providing a deeper insight into your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and be linked with clear transition phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Make use of varied sentence structures to enhance the readability and flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your conclusion summarizes your main ideas and restates your thesis in a succinct manner, providing a strong wrap-up to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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