IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries people of all ages do sports and exercises a lot. Does this trend have more advantages or disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#countries #people #ages #sports #exercises #trend
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Unlike in the
last
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 few decades,
people
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 especially middle-aged and senior citizens, and seen to be involved in
sports
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 and fitness
activities
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 like Yoga and Gym. There are
also
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 a
lot
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 of
people
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 who participate in marathons. In my opinion,
this
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 is a positive trend and leads to a healthy and harmonious world. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reasons behind my rationale. The benefits of
people
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 engaging in physical
activities
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 are numerous. First and foremost,
this
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 improves the health of
people
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.
Due to
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 unhealthy dietary habits, the majority of our population is suffering from obesity and its related medical problems like hypertension and diabetes. Engaging
people
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 in daily workouts
such
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 as walking and running helps in reducing illness to a large extent.
Additionally
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, these
activities
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 provide the individuals a chance to socialize, especially for elders in our family. As most
youngsters
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 these days are
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 abroad in pursuit of education or better job opportunities, parents who are left behind have only a few options left to get away from the sense of isolation. The recreation
centers
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centres
show examples
 or
sports
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 communities support a
lot
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 in
this
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 situation, by making a way for
people
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 to learn new
sports
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 or refresh their skills in games they once excelled,
also
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 helping them relieve the isolated feeling after their retirement
Furthermore
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, the trend
also
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 influences
youngsters
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 to follow a healthy way of life. Nowadays we see a
lot
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 of veterans engaging in marathons, which inspires a
lot
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 of
youngsters
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 like me to participate in running events. I got a chance to meet one
such
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 personality – Mr Paul Varghese who started running after his retirement and completed more than 100 full marathons in 5 years. He admits that his mornings are busier now, either participating in events or mentoring
youngsters
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, but he is having the best time of his life.
To conclude
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,
sports
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 and physical
activities
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 benefit all of us irrespective of our age by keeping us fit and away from illness and giving us mental happiness.
Submitted by sajnamandothputhiyaveetil on

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Task Achievement
While your essay effectively addresses the topic, aiming for greater specificity in your examples can heighten the impact of your argument. For instance, you could provide statistical evidence or research findings alongside personal anecdotes to substantiate your claims further.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion, thanks to the clear logical structure and appropriate use of linking words. To further enhance this, consider varying your sentence structure more frequently. This will make your essay more engaging and easier to follow for readers.
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