Some people think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think it can be harmful for children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work?
When talking about the issue of
children
doing paid work, there will be various types of responses whether it is against or approval upon
the situation. A few people have said that it Change preposition
of
is
pretty much Unnecessary verb
apply
endanger
the Correct subject-verb agreement
endangers
children
, while
others said that it brings Correct article usage
an abundace
abundace
of benefits. From my Correct your spelling
abundance
poin
of view, the advantages are Correct your spelling
point
children
will be more prepared and gain a
valuable Correct article usage
apply
exprience
. Correct your spelling
experience
Nonetheless
, there are also
some drawbacks that should be taken into account.
As a starter, on the bright side, children
will be able to harsen
their hard and soft skills Correct your spelling
harden
as well as
knowledge through working in a job. It will eventually shape them to be more prepared than the others that
never have experienced a first-hand job. Correct pronoun usage
who
Thus
, the chance of getting hired in
the company is bigger. Change preposition
by
Moreover
, having a paid job will gracefully help the socio-economy
situation of their families. Especially if they come from a low to Correct your spelling
socio-economic
middle income
household.
Conservely, the disadvantages are a bit scary. It is basically the same with the term, "high risk, high reward". Add a hyphen
middle-income
Firstly
, children
will lose the opportunities to play around with their peers and living
their life to the fullest. They Wrong verb form
live
are
pressured to balance Wrong verb form
have been
between
education and work since Change preposition
apply
the
early years. Change the word
their
Secondly
, this
situation will be harmful in the long run as they are subjected to capitalism. It will creates
Wrong verb form
create
society
with a corporate slave mentality, all they care Add an article
a society
Change preposition
about are
are
working harder and making money.
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
To sum up
, regardless the
advantages that it offers. There are a few drawbacks including the Change preposition
of the
lose
of freedom that Replace the word
loss
limit
their life and the ingrained corporate slave mentality.Correct subject-verb agreement
limits
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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure, ensure that the essay clearly delineates its main points. Use clear paragraphing and consider employing transition words to signal shifts between advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Introduce and conclude your essay with clear statements summarizing the topic and your final opinion. This helps to frame your argument and provides closure to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points consistently throughout the essay. Support each advantage or disadvantage with specific examples or explanations to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
To fully respond to the task, ensure that you explore both sides of the argument equally. Provide a balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work.
task achievement
Express your ideas clearly throughout the essay. Aim for comprehensiveness by elaborating on your points with sufficient detail so the reader fully understands your position.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples from real-life scenarios, research, or hypothetical situations to substantiate your advantages and disadvantages, which will add authenticity and depth to your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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