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Band 4.5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #support #artists #painters #musicians #alternative #sources
There is a widespread belief that higher authority should grant
a
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apply
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financial aid to sustain the existence of creative artists
such
 as painters and musicians.
However
,
this
 has led to a division of opinion, with some advocating that financial support can be obtained from other sources except
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
.
This
 essay will elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 contradictive viewpoints
along with
 personal
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
. On the one hand, the supporters of
policy makers
Correct your spelling
policymakers
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 support for creative
enterpreneurs
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
 perceived that artists are often being paid irregularly
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the sales of their masterpieces.
As a result
, some of them find
Correct pronoun usage
it difficulties
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difficulties
Replace the word
difficult
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 to fund their upcoming projects as they have no sufficient capital to purchase any of the raw materials. Regrettably, the process of generating
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
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 requires a long journey, starting from idea generation, product execution, and
art
 finalization.
This
, in turn, is believed to exacerbate artists' financial conditions. These concerns provide
compelling
Add an article
a compelling
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 argument against the opponents.
On the contrary
, the opponents posit that
art
 is not considered
as
Correct your spelling
a
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 crucial sector to be assisted. There are more
substansial
Correct your spelling
substantial
 sectors that should be
concerned
Verb problem
considered
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 by the state
such
 as education, poverty, and
women
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women's
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 protection.
Additionally
, alternative supports can be received from
art
 enthusiasts who deeply focus on the quality of
art
 production
in
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apply
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which has
strong
Add an article
a strong
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 correlation to the well-being of the
art
 makers. These perspectives offer
strong
Add an article
a strong
show examples
 rationale to defend their arguments. Despite the valid points presented by both sides, my inclination aligns
to
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with
show examples
 the defenders as they state
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clear
subtitutions
Correct your spelling
substitutions
substitution
 of
Government's
Correct article usage
the Government's
show examples
 fund in which the responsible should be born by the purchaser or organizations related to
art
.
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structure
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should present the topic, and the conclusion should summarize the main points and clearly state your opinion.
development
Develop your main ideas further with more specific examples and details. Providing real-life examples or citing reliable sources could strengthen the arguments presented within the essay.
coherence
Link your ideas more clearly and maintain coherence by using a range of cohesive devices. Transition words like 'furthermore', 'moreover', 'nevertheless', and 'consequently' can help to connect your ideas more effectively.
paragraph development
Make sure that all paragraphs are well-developed and contain one main idea each. Avoid combining different ideas in one paragraph which can confuse the reader.
opinion clarity
Ensure that your opinion is stated clearly and is consistent throughout the essay. You should also make sure it is developed sufficiently, possibly by dedicating a full paragraph to it before the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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