IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people claim that young people are more creative than older people in business or in the workplace. Do you agree or disagree with this?

#people #business #workplace
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In Kazakhstan, when
people
 are over 60, they are often asked to quit the job, where they have worked. Even someone who has many years of experience
over
Change preposition
with
show examples
 them. There is a stereotype that older
people
 work worse than young ones and they cannot provide fresh ideas.
This
 paper will attempt to disagree with the statement. Young
people
 are often prioritised because they seem to have a new vision of the
business
 strategy.
People
 who are young are open-minded and have more knowledge about the technology.
This
 helps to create new ideas because they can adapt the
business
 plan that they have explored lately. As an example, young
people
 read many internet sources nowadays, and after reading about ways of conducting
business
 in Africa, they can change their plans for their homeland businesses. An older person might not be interested in it or even do not know about it or not be interested in it. At the same time, older
people
experienced
Wrong verb form
experience
show examples
 more situations in their lives and have another vision of
business
. After many years of work and facing many challenges elderly may better understand what to do in a particular situation.
This
 deep understanding plays a crucial role in the creation of
business
 ideas. In
crisis
Correct article usage
a crisis
show examples
 old workers may
easier
Replace the word
easily
show examples
 find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
 out, because they have seen
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 crisis like
this
 before and learned from them only the useful steps.
To conclude
, old and young workers have their weaknesses and strengths. One type is more aware of the company's ways of development and others are more open-minded to the world. Still, the
business
 cannot choose only one type, there should always be teamwork of both generations for the company's well-being.
Submitted by dasha.20032854 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position in relation to the statement. While the position is somewhat clear, further clarification could be beneficial.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on the logical progression of ideas by using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing strategies.
Main Points Supporting
Develop your supporting points further by providing more detailed examples and explaining the reasoning behind your arguments.
Task Response
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all ideas relate directly to the question prompt, with relevant details and examples.
Language Use
Avoid repetition of ideas or phrases. Try to express your points with varied vocabulary and sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Trends
  • Agility
  • Adaptability
  • Strategic framework
  • Sustainable innovation
  • Age diversity
  • Digital native
  • Problem-solving methods
  • Working environment
  • Technological advancements
  • Industry experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: