Some people say that no one should work after the age of 65years,others say that they should continue the work as long as they want.Discuss both views and give your opinion.
These days, it becomes common for people who are older than sixty to retire and stay unemployed for the rest of their life. It's argued that
elders
should work at this
age, staying occupied and social, whereas
others believe that it is not necessary. This
essay will explore both viewpoint
Change to a plural noun
viewpoints
,
and provide my opinion in conclusion.
First and foremost, working at the age of 65 Remove the comma
apply
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
elders
to avoid boredom and loneliness. Hence
, while
older individuals complete tasks and socialise with others, they feel useful for a
society. Remove the article
apply
For example
in Tasmania, it is pretty common for people over 60 to work in
a farm picking up grapes for wine production. Change preposition
on
As a result
, this
activity makes them social, busy
, and provides a sense of belonging to a group, making Correct word choice
and busy
elders
feel productive and happy.
On the other hand
, having old employees in a company holds significant drawbacks connected to traditional approaches and health issues. Young workers undoubtedly
more effective and innovative, Add a missing verb
are undoubtedly
while
elders
are less reliable as they are more likely to face health problems, such
as high blood pressure, weak bones and heart diseases. Hence
, some modern corportate
organisations, like "Google" or "Yahoo", are seeking Correct your spelling
corporate
for
young and creative employees possessing Change preposition
apply
the
passion for work and progressive ideas. Correct article usage
a
Consequently
, the employment of old workers can negatively affect the productivity of some companies.
In conclusion, even though young employees are more energetic, some places such
as farms, community centres and libraries still require older individuals. From my perspective, participating in less complicated and physical jobs with just a few working hours a day, aid
old people to avoid boredom staying connected with others.Correct subject-verb agreement
aids
Submitted by innakireeva0101 on
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Structure
Ensure that your introduction clearly addresses the prompt and presents a nuanced thesis statement that reflects a balance of both views and your own opinion.
Coherence
To improve coherence, consider using a wider range of linking devices to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Development
Aim for a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay, and work on presenting main points that are fully developed with supporting details.
Conclusion
In your conclusion, make sure to include a restatement of the main points discussed and clearly articulate your final stance, ensuring it aligns with the discussion in the body.
Examples
Expand and diversify your range of examples to fully support your arguments.
Task Achievement
Task response can be enhanced by fully answering all parts of the prompt and maintaining a clear position throughout the response.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.